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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25705750">What Grows From Our Tragedy</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/sarahunter123/pseuds/sarahunter123'>sarahunter123</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Dragon Age: Inquisition</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>F/M</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 09:02:20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>38,399</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25705750</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/sarahunter123/pseuds/sarahunter123</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>A slightly alternate universe take on the Inquisition. </p><p>Cullen is kidnapped by red lyrium dealers. After witnessing his friend die at the hands of his captors, he has only one way out; trust the mysterious woman who works with the enemy and claims a desire to escape. </p><p>With no choice but to trust her, he finds that not everything is as it seems, and that love can grow in the most tragic of spaces.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Cullen Rutherford/Original Character(s)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>46</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>34</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>     Cullen had finally stopped fighting against the binds on his wrists. He wouldn't be able to break free of the thick rope that cut into his flesh. Not without something sharp. He looked over at his Lieutenant, who was completely dazed but at least he was conscious. </p><p>     "Ben? Stay awake Lieutenant. You must stay awake do you understand?" He frowned as Ben's eyes struggled to remain open. </p><p>     Cullen sighed and leaned his head back against the tall wooden post he was bound to. Ben was slouched forward as much as his binds allowed. His body tightly bound to the post but his head bobbed as it drooped down to his chest. </p><p>     They had both taken a beating but Ben had been beat the hardest. The group -whoever they were- had been desperate to tie Cullen up just so they could stop his attacks. He must've killed four of the attackers before the another 6 brought him down. </p><p>     Ben was a young lad. Maybe 19. He wasn't as experienced yet. The attackers took pleasure in beating him to a pulp.</p><p>     Night would be falling soon and Cullen still had no plan of escape. He didn't know where he was. The attackers had blindfolded him and his Lieutenant and it felt as if they had rode for hours. He didn't even know who had taken them. </p><p>     How did they know where to find him? Hadn't Leliana's scouts cleared the area? He lightly hit the back of his head against the post. <em>Think Rutherford,  you have to get out.</em></p><p>     He took another long look at Ben. How would he make an escape and rescue the lad too? There was no way he'd leave  him. Cullen had taken him under his wing,  he trusted him and had hopes of seeing him promote even higher through the ranks of the army. The boy had great potential. Cullen had almost began to view him as a little brother. </p><p>     He'd die alongside him before abandoning him to whatever violent fate the Maker had in store.</p><hr/><p>     "How in the <em>fuck </em>did MY Commander get kidnapped?! How does this happen Leliana?!" The Inquisitor bellowed as a heavy fist slammed down on to the war table. </p><p>     The spymaster remained unphased and raised her ice blue eyes to meet the eyes of the Inquisitor. </p><p>     "I assure you, this was a highly sophisticated operation. They slaughtered my scouts, waited for our Ravens and sent word posing as my scouts, that everything was clear. They then waited to ambush the Commander and his men. The only bodies that have not been recovered are Cullen's and Lieutenant Benjamin's. We believe they are still alive."</p><p>     "I assume it's something to do with Corypheus,  red Templars or Tevinter cults." Inquisitor Trevelyan stated as he rubbed his temples.</p><p>     "I would say the likelihood of that being true is very high. This was no ordinary group of bandits." She replied.</p><p>     "Rest assured Inquisitor,  we will find the men responsible. Maker help them if they have hurt Cullen. They haven't felt pain until they are alone with me in a cell." She added in an icy low voice.</p><p>     Maxwell Trevelyan nodded,  "very well. See to it that he's brought home."</p><p>     He wearily rubbed at his forehead and walked out of the war room. </p><p>     Josephine gave a sympathetic look to Leliana. She knew her well and despite Leliana's blank expression, she knew the Spymaster was hurting.</p><p>     "It isn't your fault Leliana.  You must know that. "</p><p>     The Nightingale just retreated further under the shadow of her hood. "I will have him brought back. " She said coldly,  and then turned on her heel and sharply left the room.</p><hr/><p>     "Well I say it's time to meet the boys!" A boisterous voice called out as the flap on the largest tent slapped open. A large man walked out of the tent followed by 3 others and 1 woman. </p><p>     Cullen's head snapped to attention, immediately taking in every possible detail of his captors. They  were in a small clearing in the forest somewhere near the Emerald Graves. But in what direction he didn't know.</p><p>     The large man, who Cullen assumed was the leader, pulled out a knife and began spinning it around his left hand. His leather armor creaking with every step towards Cullen and Ben.</p><p>     "So tell me, what should I do with the remaining men of the company that sabotaged my transport of goods?" He asked as pleasantly as asking for a cup of coffee.</p><p>     He stood in front of the two bound men and loomed over them with an unnerving smile.</p><p>     "That's a nice way of saying you're a red lyrium dealer. We did what we had to." Cullen replied lowly.</p><p>      Cullen had gone to the Emerald Graves with a small contingent of soldiers to oversee the destruction of the lyrium mines that the Inquisitor had found two weeks prior. Shortly after beginning their journey home, they had been attacked. No-ambushed. These men had been lying in wait.</p><p>     "Well, we can't all work for the Herald of Andraste." The man chuckled. "I have to do what's necessary to keep coin in my pocket, and if that means red lyrium so be it. But you see.... I cannot have your little Inquisition continuing to interfere. My boss is not a patient man."</p><p>     Cullen's ears perked up, "who is your boss?"</p><p>The man let out a loud belly laugh. "Oh please! As if you don't already fucking know <em>Commander. </em>Samson was quite angry with me but now that I have <em>you </em>I think he'll be quite pleased. "</p><p>     Cullen felt his anger rising. <em>Fucking Samson.</em></p><p>"Samson will be most interested in my capture. But he won't care about my Lieutenant. Let him go." Cullen tried to reason. Ben was awake now but Maker the boy was a bloody mess. </p><p>     The man sneered. "Let him go? After the two of you killed several of my men? What kind of message would I be sending? I'm not in the mercy business Commander."</p><p>     He glared at Cullen and then lunged at him with his blade, bringing it to his throat. Cullen was helpless, sitting on the ground, bound to a post, all he could do was stare defiantly. </p><p>     "Not even a flinch outta this one!" The man teased as the other 3 men laughed. The woman stood further back and said nothing. </p><p>     "I think Samson would still be pleased even if I just brought him your cold dead body." He growled.</p><p>     He pushed the blade harder against Cullen's skin and small drops of blood began to drip down his throat.</p><p>     "WAIT!" The sound of a feminine voice stopped the man in his tracks. </p><p>     He growled and stood up facing the woman who had made her way to the front of the other men.</p><p>     She looked at Cullen and her wide gray eyes lingered for a moment.</p><p>     "What is it  bitch?" The man snarled.</p><p>     "If you kill them, we may lose the opportunity to gain valuable information about the Inquisition. Samson will be so grateful to you if you bring them alive." Her chest heaved as she took deep breaths. <em>She's frightened of him. </em>Cullen thought.</p><p>     The man slowly approached her. He stood staring at her for several moments,  then without warning, he drew back his hand and slapped her hard across the face. She didn't yell or even wince in pain. She just continued to stare back at him. </p><p>     Frustrated,  he grabbed her by the throat and she struggled  for air. Desperate gasps escaped her lips and as her face turned red, he tossed her to the ground. She laid with her hands propping her up as her head hung low, her hair dark hair covering her face. </p><p>     "My sister has a great point boys! I knew she'd be a great addition!" He and the men all laughed as he turned back to face Cullen. </p><p>     "You'll know everything Samson wants to know won't you? But the boy here...."</p><p>     He walked over to Ben, who's eyes began to widen in fear.</p><p>     "Well he won't be much use to my Boss will he?" </p><p>     Cullen began fighting against his ropes, desperately trying  to stop the man.</p><p>     "Let him go! I killed your men! He's innocent in all of this!" He cried out.</p><p>     The man smiled, "so you do show fear. I see it now in your eyes."</p><p>     Cullen breathed heavily and nodded, "please don't hurt him. I'm the man you want."</p><p>     Ben looked at Cullen with frightened eyes. "Commander...." </p><p>     "Well let's look at it this way Commander. You killed my men, now I kill one of yours."</p><p>     Without hesitation,  he pulled his blade against Ben's throat, releasing a stream of crimson.</p><p>     Cullen wailed and sobbed at the top of his lungs as he continued to fight against his constraints and as he watched the life in Ben's eyes quickly fade. His mind flashing to the horrors of Kinloch then only to bring him back to an equally painful present. </p><p>     The man grinned as he turned to Cullen. "Now we're even." </p><p>     Cullen grit his teeth as hot tears ran down his cheeks. "I will kill you. You will see." </p><p>     The man just laughed and turned to walk towards the three men. Cullen's eyes darted to the woman, now sitting upright with a dead expression across her face. She gazed at him sadly and then she returned her gaze to the dirt.</p><p>     "Come on dear sister! You made a great choice!" The man grabbed her by her hair, forcing her to her feet. The group retreated back to the tent and left Cullen alone to mourn his friend.</p><p>     </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Escape</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>     The sky had grown dark some time ago. The moon was barely a sliver and offered very little light. Which he supposed was all the better. Ben's body still sat tied against the post and Cullen couldn't bare to see it.</p><p>     He thought of all the things be would say to Samson. All the different ways he could verbally cut the man who had fallen so hard and become unrecognizable in his actions. </p><p>     If he was going to die, he would make sure the enemy didn't get a single bit of information from him. He'd endured torture before, he could do it again. He'd take everything they did to him if it meant getting some revenge from Ben. </p><p>     He heard something,  or someone,  walking lightly around the parameter of the tents. A guard perhaps, making sure he wasn't escaping?</p><p>     Although the words felt hallow, he did what he'd always done in times of great distress and peril. He prayed the Chant of Light.</p><p>     He'd said the words so many times already hoping he would find sleep,  but to no avail.</p><p>     Again, the sound of light footsteps approaching, this time closer. He knew the sound of boots stepping against the forest floor. Someone was trying to step quietly.</p><p>     His eyes searched around him, but the moon offered little light and everything around was dark, shapeless shadows.</p><p>     He steadied his breathing and strained his ears to listen.</p><p>     Suddenly he felt hands on his wrists, and the sensation of a knife cutting at the ropes left him shocked and caught him off guard.</p><p>     A whispered female voice, barely audible said,</p><p>  "I'm cutting you free. There are men scouted all along the parameter of this encampment. I know where there patrols are. We can help each other."</p><p>     The ropes fell from his arms and he stood. Then with lightning speed, he grabbed the woman and pushed her against the post, disarming her of her knife in the process. He held it to her throat and snarled.</p><p>     In a low rumble he asked, "why the fuck should I trust you? I don't even know who you are."</p><p>     The woman, dressed in dark clothing with the hood of her cloak obscuring most of her face, didn't flinch. Not even a blink of an eye. </p><p>     "You don't have to trust me. But you do need me if you wish to make it of here alive. And I need you as well. I can't fight all of the guards should we encounter them. And you'll need me to find your way back to the main road." She hissed hurriedly through her teeth.</p><p>     Cullen thought for a moment and decided she was right. He had no idea where he was. If there was patrols wandering the area, he'd be caught rather quickly. </p><p>     He stepped back and lowered his weapon.</p><p>     "I'm keeping the knife." He muttered. </p><p>"Wouldn't you rather have a sword?" She murmured as she withdrew a long sword from her cloak. She extended it out to him and he quickly took it.</p><p>     "Let's be on our way then." She said.</p><p>     Cullen turned to Ben's body and he hesitated. The lad wouldn't even have a proper burial. </p><p>     The woman stepped closer to Cullen and said softly, "I'm sorry. I tried to save you both. It wasn't enough."</p><p>     Cullen realized this woman was the same woman who he'd seen with the leader and his men. The one who had tried to convince him to spare their lives for Samson's benefit.</p><p>     This unnerved him. Was she really trying to stall for time when she suggested Samson would want Cullen and his Lieutenant alive? Or did she intend to see them turned over to Corypheus' general?</p><p>     He crouched over his friend's body. "You deserved so much more Ben. Your memory will live on, I swear it." His fingers found the Inquisition brooch on his lapel and he ripped it from the cloth. He tucked it into his pocket and stood.</p><p>     "Let's go."</p><hr/><p>     They'd been on foot moving as quickly and quietly as possible through the trees and brush. The night air was crisp and cool and sent the occasional chill down the Commander's back. The woman hadn't said much of anything and he had no idea where they were going.</p><p>     "What is your plan exactly?" He rasped.</p><p>     She stopped for a moment and without fully turning around she answered, "not much further, there will be 4 guards near the place they keep the horses. We will kill them and take the mounts so we can cover more ground." She began walking again.</p><p>     "Can you fight?" He asked incredulously. </p><p>     She raised a hand, palm up, and a small flame danced around. </p><p>     "You're a mage." He said dryly. </p><p>     She then withdrew a dagger in her other hand and spun it impressively around her fingers.</p><p>     "You're a mage and trained as a rogue?" Cullen asked somewhat surprised. </p><p>     "No formal training. I've just learned what I needed in order to survive. " She answered.</p><p>     Cullen went to ask another question when she suddenly crouched down and motioned for him to do the same. The sound of footsteps suddenly echoed in his ears.</p><p>     He could see the flickering of torches in the distance and now he could make out distant voices.</p><p>     "There's 5 patrols -not 4." She said in a whisper. </p><p>"The horses are to the left of us. I'll attack first, draw their attention to the right. You attack from behind. Catch them by surprise."</p><p>     Cullen wasn't used to someone else making the battle plans but he quieted his ego and his need to be in control.</p><p>     She lowered her hood and gave him a nod, then she darted to the right, flames bursting from her hands. </p><p>     "Get your swords men!" One of the guards shouted and all five men were scrambling to attack. The woman impressively threw fireballs with precise accuracy,  dropping the  first guard to the ground engulfed in flames.</p><p>     Cullen sprang from his position and pulled out his long sword capturing another guard by surprise and quickly impaling him on his blade.</p><p>     He quickly found himself engaged with two of the other guards while the woman was now fighting with flames in one hand and a dagger in the other. The leader of this particular group of guards was attacking her with a great sword.</p><p>     Cullen weaved and parried the attacks and struck down one of the men, the other now desperately trying to bring him down.  But these men were no match for Cullen's skills, honed by years of experience and the finest training. As he thrust his sword into the heart of the last guard he heard the woman cry out.</p><p>     He turned to see the leader removing his sword from her side and then slamming the wounded area with the pommel of his sword, dropping the woman to her knees. Just as Cullen was about to pierce the man from the back, the woman swung her dagger upwards with a swift and aggressive strike. The dagger found it's target: through the man's throat. With a sputtering gargle,  the last remaining guard fell to the forest floor. </p><p>     Cullen rushed to the woman and helped her up.</p><p>     "Are you ok? Did his sword cut you?" He asked.</p><p>She shook her head, "it's not serious and we have to move quickly. Let's get the horses and go."</p><p>     Cullen frowned as she walked off clutching her side. She wore leather armor under her cloak and it was impossible to tell if she was bleeding. </p><p>     She opened the stable door and handed Cullen the reigns of a horse, then she went to the next stable and did the same for herself.  She took a deep breath and then swung herself up into the saddle. Cullen caught the grimace that flashed across her face as she mounted the horse.</p><p>     "We ride through the night. We do not stop. If we are caught, I ask that you do one thing."</p><p>     Cullen looked at her curiously,  "what would that be?"</p><p>     She looked him dead in the eyes and with a blank expression she replied, </p><p>"kill me before they can take me." </p><p>     </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Gray and Gold</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>     They had ridden for hours,  occasionally stopping to hide from patrols that were in the distance. The woman didn't want to engage in more fighting if possible. </p><p>     She claimed it was because the more people they fought, the higher chance one guard could get away and alert the others on her and Cullen's whereabouts. </p><p>     He thought this was a good reason but that the <em>real </em>reason behind her hesitation was her injury. He noticed her right arm had slipped beneath her cloak and had stayed there, no doubt wrapped around her leftside. He wondered why she didn't just heal it?  But she said very little and when she did answer a question, it was clipped and flat.</p><p>     She had kept a rather grueling pace considering it was pitch black outside and they really couldn't see far ahead. She clearly knew the area well. She rarely looked back to check on Cullen. She just sat facing straight ahead, always pushing forward. </p><p>     As for Cullen, he was beginning to feel the aches and pains of his initial fight with his captors and then again with patrols. His muscles burned and cramped as he sat atop his horse for hours on end.</p><p>     It was nearing dawn. The sky was now a pale, misty pink with streaks of rose and orange coming from the sun which hadn't revealed itself quite yet. A light mist hung low to the ground of the forest floor. </p><p>     The woman suddenly looked slouched in her saddle. Slowing the pace of her horse to a slow walk. What was she doing? </p><p>     His eyes widened as her body suddenly went limp and slid off her horse on to the ground. She didn't move.</p><p>     He leapt from his horse and ran over to the lifeless heap.</p><p>     He rolled her over and inhaled sharply as he took in her face. It was ghostly pale, with fresh and old bruises littered across her skin. He could visibly see the bruising from where her brother had choked her for speaking out. </p><p>     Her eyes struggled to open  and she began motioning to her injured torso. Cullen propped her against a large tree and began removing some of the layers of clothing that covered her side.</p><p>     She seemed to come to and weakly said,</p><p>     "it's no use..... If I heal myself.... a great amount of mana..... I will fall into a deep sleep..... completely drained."</p><p>     Her words were slow and she had to think carefully about each word she was trying to form. </p><p>     Cullen ignored her grim prognosis and continued unfastening the straps of her leather armor. Finally he came to her tunic which made him feel a sense of dread. </p><p>     The white tunic was drenched in her scarlet blood. The entire left side and down to the top of her pants was saturated. </p><p>     "Why didn't you heal yourself?" He rasped in exasperation. </p><p>     "I told you.... the spell to heal this..... I'll sleep.... we'd be recaptured. "</p><p>     He shook his head trying to make sense of it all.</p><p>     She grabbed his forearm and looked him in his eyes. His breath hitched as he was able to see them fully in the light. They were a pale gray, like a rain cloud. A thin ring of gold circled around the gray giving them a unique, almost ethereal look. He'd only seen eyes that color before on one other person. He wondered if she was also a Marcher. </p><p>     "It's ok... keep heading East..... you'll...you'll see a river, go right, follow down stream....you'll find the main road."</p><p>     Small drops of sweat dripped down her face and her eyes began to look listless once again.</p><p>     "I'm not going to leave you here." Cullen said with a hard shake of his head.</p><p>     "One of us has to live. To stop them." She muttered as she squeezed her eyes shut. Her hand went into her pocket and pulled out a small blade. She weakly grabbed his hand and wrapped his fingers around the knife. </p><p>     Then she brought it to her throat. "It's time." She said softly.</p><p>     Cullen, now panicked, said, "You're out of your mind if you think I'm going to kill you!"</p><p>     She held firmly to his hand, "If I'm not dead before they find me...." her bottom lip quivered but her face remained stoic. But he could see the fear in her eyes.</p><p>     "I can't..." he whispered. </p><p>     "Please...... its a mercy." She pleaded softly.</p><p>     Cullen, with his free hand, pinched the bridge of his nose. A thousand thoughts filling his head. Mind made up, he firmly pulled his hand away and stood. </p><p>     "Wait.... please!" She weakly cried out as he walked towards his horse. </p><hr/><p>     She closed her eyes, resigned to whatever horrible fate that awaited. She silently.prayed to the Maker to let her die before she was found. The things they would do to her.....</p><p>     She had hoped the Commander would at least end her life quickly. But as he walked to his horse she felt that perhaps she didn't deserve a merciful death. After what her brother had done to his Leuitnant....</p><p>     Her thoughts began fading out and everything around sounded further and further away.</p><p>     Suddenly she felt herself being scooped up and lifted into the air.</p><p>     "Heal yourself! Do it now! Do you hear me?!" A voice commanded, she opened her eyes and met molten gold.</p><hr/><p>     Cullen grabbed the reigns of his horse and tied them to her horse. She seemed to have lost consciousness and he scooped her up and lay her across her horse.  He then mounted the same horse and manuvered her into his lap, cradling her.</p><p>     "Heal yourself! Do it now! Do you hear me?!" He shook her, trying to rouse her.</p><p>     Her eyelids fluttered open and she stared up at him.</p><p>     "What are you-"</p><p>"You have to heal yourself. You're dying! I will ride with you while you sleep. But you MUST heal yourself now!" He commanded in a tone she hadn't heard from him yet. It was enough for her to summon what little strength she had and begin the spell.</p><p>     She inhaled as deeply as she could and a faint green light began shining off her body. The light grew brighter as it condensed to just the injured area. Her body twitched a few times as the light pulsed and flashed with brilliant streaks of white light.</p><p>     He could feel the low hum of magic in the air, then the familiar spark of energy. Her magic felt crisp, conjuring images of early morning walks along the beach. </p><p>     Then, it began to dim, and then finally, faded away completely. The color in her face was back to a olive tone,  the bruising now a pale yellow and green. She took a few shallow breaths as her eyes closed slowly. Her head then lulled back as she went into a deep sleep.</p><p>     Cullen breathed a sigh of relief as he picked up his horses pace to steady trot. He didn't know who this woman was, where she was from, or even who's side she was really on. But he knew she'd saved his life, risked her own to insure their escape..... he anxiously waited for her to wake. </p><p>     He had many, many questions.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Pleasure to Meet You</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>     He'd ridden until the sun was beginning to grow low in the sky, stopping only for short breaks for the horses. Once he'd found the river, he and the horses drank deeply from it.</p><p>     He had followed the woman's directions and eventually found the main road.</p><p>     However,  she had still not awakened and he feared the exposure they would have riding on the main road would leave them vulnerable to attacks.</p><p>     He eventually came across a small cave not far from the road, but hidden from plain sight by trees and forest brush. It was large enough to bring his horses in and he tied them up past the entrance on a large log.</p><p>     He carried the woman to the far back of the cave and lay her down on the ground. He hadn't expected her to sleep so long. He sighed as his own fatigue was beginning to take hold. He'd been awake for almost two days straight and he knew he couldn't keep going much longer without sleep.</p><p>     He leaned against the natural stone wall, his sword firmly gripped in his hand as his eyes grew heavy as he quickly drifted into the fade.</p><hr/><p>     "What word of the Commander?" Inquisitor Maxwell asked wearily. He had been unable to find restful sleep knowing that the enemy had the second most powerful person of the Inquisition in their hands. </p><p>    "My scouts discovered the main camp of his captors. It was already abandoned. There are two possibilities; 1. They know we will be searching for Cullen and they moved on quickly. Or 2. Cullen escaped and they feared that he will reveal their location. "</p><p>     Maxwell's eyes lit up with hope,  "which do you think happened?"</p><p>     Leliana's face revealed nothing, "I'm not sure. Obviously,  I pray that it is the latter. Regardless,  my scouts and assassins are on the move and flooding the area, he will be found either way."</p><p>     Maxwell nodded and sighed. "What of my sister? What progress has been made?"</p><p>     "We have confirmed she was not at the Conclave. She was at the Ostwick circle when it fell, but all records of her are lost after this. We've been looking at possible secret mage refugee camps and perhaps aliases she may have taken on."</p><p>     The Ambassador cleared her throat and offered in a hopeful tone, "the list of possibilities for her whereabouts is narrowing. We now know she was not in Redcliffe,  or among the rebel mages in the Hinterlands, and now we know she did not attend the Conclave. This is good news, no?"</p><p>     Leliana nodded subtly,  "her chances of being alive have certainly increased." </p><p>     Maxwell rubbed his forehead. "My brother wouldn't be any help so don't bother asking him. I'm sure he's drowning himself in a whiskey bottle in a tavern somewhere if hasn't spent what coin he has on gambling." </p><p>      Leliana arched a thin brow, "still, it wouldn't hurt to speak with him Inquisitor, he may know more than you think."</p><p>     Maxwell shrugged,  "do whatever you think you must, you're the expert spymaster,  not me. I'm just a noble brat who suddenly had the responsibility of the world placed on his shoulders."</p><p>     Josephine smirked, "ah, there's our sarcastic and charming Inquisitor. "</p><hr/><p>      Cullen felt the unnerving feeling one has when being watched. He made no effort to move, not even to open his eyes. First, he listened for any indication of attackers.  When he heard no shuffling or footsteps,  or even the creaking of leathers and armor, he dared to open his eyes.</p><p>     Instead of the brutal faces of attackers,  he was met with the pale gray eyes of the woman who'd freed him. Her hair hung over her shoulders and partially obscured one side of her face. She sat across from him, and in the middle was a smokeless small fire.</p><p>     The flames provided warmth and low light in the otherwise black cave.</p><p>     "Where are we?" She asked lowly.</p><p>Cullen shifted and stretched his arms out. "Near the main road. By the time I reached it, it was nearly dark. It was too risky to continue. "</p><p>     She said nothing and continued staring at him. Her gaze began to make him uncomfortable. He decided to try to initiate conversation. </p><p>     "I suppose introductions are in order? I'm Commander Cullen Rutherford of the Inquisition."</p><p>     "I know." Was her simple reply. </p><p>Cullen waited a moment for her to introduce herself. Then another. And another. Nothing. Just her unflinching gaze.</p><p>     He coughed awkwardly,  "and you are....?"</p><p>     "Rose."</p><p>     <em>Alright that's a step in the right direction...</em> he thought to himself. </p><p>     "Do you have a last name Rose?"</p><p>     "Yes, I do."</p><p>     Again he waited for her to elaborate but she never did. </p><p>     "Would you like to share it?"</p><p>     "No I would not."</p><p>     Cullen began to feel the sting of frustration forming. </p><p>     "Why?"</p><p>     "My brother told me not to. It's dangerous. "</p><p>     Cullen had a 100 different responses that flooded his mind but he knew all of them would probably anger the woman. </p><p>     "Very well. If you're not comfortable sharing that information I won't push for it."</p><p>     Her head tilted to one side like a dog would do at a strange sound. </p><p>     "What exactly is the Inquisition?" She asked as she ran her eyes over his armor.</p><p>     Cullen was taken aback. She didn't know what the Inquisition was? How was that even possible?</p><p>     "We are a force that will bring peace and order to Thedas. We are fighting against Corypheus and his agents to insure the survival of the world as we know it." </p><p>     She blinked. "Isn't that what the Chantry is for?"</p><p>     Cullen shifted, his brow furrowed at her confusion. "The Chantry is broken,  after the  mage-templar war and the Conclave..."</p><p>     "What happened at this Conclave?"</p><p>     Cullen sputtered,  "w-what do mean? You're not serious are you? You can't be!" </p><p>     For the first time since he woke, her gaze dropped to the smokeless flames that she kept burning through her magic.</p><p>     "After my circle fell, I met my brother who offered me protection. I didn't know he had lost his mind to red lyrium and greed. I've been kept in these woods for sometime and he kept news of the world away from me."</p><p>     Cullen felt a weight in his stomach. She'd been through a lot, that much was obvious. </p><p>     "Why did he keep you as prisoner?"</p><p>     " I could heal his wounded men. I could set up magic barriers around their camps. Fight with magic if need be. Then I was trained to fight with swords and daggers as well. But the main purpose was to have a mage on hand." She replied in a low, soft tone. Her obvious Marcher accent richly rolling off her tongue. </p><p>     Cullen hummed in understanding.  "How did you know who I was if you didn't know what the Inquisition was?"</p><p>     "Because they said your name and title jackass."</p><p>     Cullen sat in stunned silence for a moment at her blunt response,  then found himself chuckling at it. </p><p>     "Well I suppose you have a point."</p><p>     Her mouth turned up on one side into a soft smirk. </p><p>     "We should get some more rest before we start moving again. There is a small village not far from here." She said as she began shifting to lay back down.</p><p>     Cullen yawned as he did the same. "Very well."</p><p>     He paused and then added, "it's a pleasure to meet you Rose."</p><p>     "You as well Commander" he heard her softly  respond in the darkness. </p><p> </p><p>     </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. The Woman in the Water</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>*TRIGGER WARNING *<br/>Minor descriptions of rape and violence.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>     He woke the next morning feeling the ache of his awkward sleeping position in his back and neck. He groaned as he stood up and stretched out as much tension as possible. Several moments had passed when he realized Rose was nowhere to be found in the cave.</p><p>     He felt a panic shoot through his chest. Did she run away? Did she get captured?</p><p>     He swiftly made his way out of the cave and into the morning sun. The sound of the river flowing past turned his gaze to the water. </p><p>     It was beautiful in the morning sun. Soft streams of sunlight danced on the water's surface and mist from the chilly night before still lingered in the trees surrounding it. A few large boulders glistened amongst the large stream and the moss that covered some of their surface looked as soft as velvet.</p><p>     Despite the tranquil and lovely forest scene before him, his gaze was squarely on one particular object. Or rather,  person. </p><p>     Rose was in a calmer portion of the river between several large boulders. The water coming to rest just above her hips. Her hair was long and sleek from the water as it hung down her bare back. </p><p>     Cullen's eyes couldn't help but notice the delicate curve of her waist and the toned, lean muscles of her back. Her full hips adding a feminine flair. Her arms raised above her head as she massaged her hair and held her face to the sky as she took in the warmth of the sun. </p><p>     As she began to turn around, Cullen quickly spun on the heel of his boot and lowered his head. </p><p>     "A-Apologies! I-I didn't know... uh, that is, I wasn't aware, that you were out here!"</p><p>     He couldn't see her face but he imagined it had a look of disgust as she must have thought he'd been out there lurking like some pervert.</p><p>     "It's alright Commander. You can turn around. We're both adults are we not?" She replied casually. </p><p>     He stood frozen for a moment, feeling stunned. She <em>wanted </em>him to see her? Naked?!</p><p>     He slowly turned back, his eyes flashing from tree to rock, trying everything he could to avoid the woman in the water.</p><p>     "I wanted to freshen up a bit. I grabbed a couple bars of soap before I came for you at the encampment."</p><p>     His eyes on the ground he replied,  "you thought to pack soap before your great escape?" </p><p>     He heard a low, soft and breathy laugh. Had he heard her laugh before?</p><p>     "I always had a bag packed and ready to go. I'd been waiting for some time for the right moment."</p><p>     He instinctually  looked up, and his breath caught in his throat. He saw her fully for the first time. No hair or cloak obscuring her face. He could see her in the full light of day, with no distraction of trying to ride a running horse and holding on to a sleeping body.</p><p>     She was <em>incredible. </em></p><p>     He had already noted her peculiar eyes before, but now they stood in stark contrast to her dark brows. Her lips were full and a shade of plum. High cheekbones that any noble woman would give their teeth for. Her skin was a pale bronze. </p><p>     He hadn't noticed that his mouth was slightly agape as he stared. Her arms were crossed over her breasts but she stood facing him with an arched brow.</p><p>     "Is everything alright?" She asked dryly. </p><p>     Cullen immediately snapped out of his trance and felt a blush creeping across his cheeks. </p><p>     "Maker my apologies. I just realized I'd never really seen you clearly before." He said and immediately regretted his words as soon as they burst through his mouth.</p><p>     She titled her head to one side and studied him carefully. </p><p>     "Making mental notes in case I go on the run?"</p><p>He couldn't tell if she was being serious or joking so he awkwardly rubbed at his neck and shook his head.</p><p>     "N--no! I, just, um.... was curious that's all. Maker shouldn't we be on our way?"</p><p>     A faint smirk played on her lips as she continued studying him. Maker her gaze was intense and it made him squirm. </p><p>     Only one other woman had a gaze as unnerving,  and that was the Spymaster. But Leliana's gaze usually meant she was thinking of a thousand ways to cut you, torture you, spread career ending rumors, assassinate you.....</p><p>     The gaze of <em>this </em>woman was unnerving because he had no idea what she was thinking about. She was a locked chest of mystery and secrets.</p><p>     Finally she said, "bathe yourself Commander,  I'll dress and ready the horses."</p><p>   </p><hr/><p>     Once they were on their horses and on the main road,  her cloak was back firmly over her head, her face hidden in shadows. Unlike their initial night of riding, she rode beside him rather than in front. </p><p>     They rode along in comfortable silence until Cullen's curiosity about the woman began eating at his thoughts. He typically wouldn't ever think to pry into someone's business when they clearly wanted to keep everything private. That was more of a Josephine and Leliana characteristic. Even Maxwell for that matter.</p><p>     Yet, he found himself biting at the nails to know more about her. </p><p>     "You know we'd draw less attention if you removed the dead Lion from your shoulders. Very Orlesian of you. Wouldn't have expected that from a Fereldan." Her smooth voice dryly remarked from beneath her cloak.</p><p>     He scrunched up his face. They'd rode for at least two hours in silence and <em>that's </em>the first thing she says?! </p><p>     "It's not a dead <em>Lion. </em>It is the mane of a Lion and it is my Commander's mantle. And it isn't Orlesian! They don't own all the bloody Lions in the world you know."</p><p>     Silence. </p><p>     More silence.</p><p>     And more silence. </p><p>     "It's pretty fucking Orlesian. " She suddenly dead panned. </p><p>     Cullen huffed and rolled his eyes as he removed his massive cloak and draped it across the horse's rear. </p><p>     "Happy?"</p><p>     "Satisfied is more like it." She replied.</p><p>     He huffed again in slight annoyance but found himself eager to continue the conversation- if you could call it that.</p><p>     "So.... did you have any other questions? I can do my best to fill you in on current events."</p><p>     Silence.</p><p>     More silence. </p><p>     "Or not..." he muttered under his breath.</p><p>     "You never told me what came of the Conclave. " She finally responded. </p><p>     "Oh! Right. Well...." He rubbed at his neck. Not exactly a lot of happy current events to deliver these days. </p><p>     He sighed loudly and began, "basically,  the entire Conclave in Haven exploded before it even began, killing hundreds and hundreds of mages and templars, and the Divine herself."</p><p>     Silence.</p><p>     More silence.</p><p>     Maker she didn't even seem to flinch at such news. Maybe she was processing the shock of it all...</p><p>     In a flat neutral tone she asked, "that's why the Inquisition formed?"</p><p>     "Well the Divine had already put the Inquisition into place in case the Conclave failed. However,  right after the explosion,  the Herald of Andraste appeared from the fade and is now our Inquisitor. "</p><p>     "Herald of Andraste." She stated, not asked.</p><p>     "Correct."</p><p>     "Why is she called that?" </p><p>     "<em>HE </em>is called that because Andraste was seen standing with him when he fell from the fade."</p><p>     "Says who?"</p><p>     "Says the multiple witnesses that were there and the Herald himself." Cullen clipped back.</p><p>     "Ahhhh I see. Tell me, how do these witnesses know what Andraste looks like? There is no painting or drawing of her. No accurate statues of her from her time.... how would they know they were looking at Andraste and not say.... a demon?"</p><p>     Cullen sputtered trying to find a response. "I-well-they said, I mean what kind of demon- you know what? Let's move on."</p><p>     Silence.</p><p>     More silence.</p><p>     Cullen began searching his brain for something to talk about. However she was proving to be difficult to speak with. Even a bit irritating. </p><p>     "So do you have any other siblings?" He asked.</p><p>     Silence.</p><p>     Cullen gripped his reins tighter.</p><p>     "You don't have to give me their names for Maker's sake. I'm just making conversation. "</p><p>     "Conversation often opens the door to a person's downfall."</p><p>     Cullen scoffed. "Fine."</p><p>     A pause.</p><p>"I have another brother. He is the youngest. The brother you had the misfortune of meeting is the oldest. Obviously,  I am the middle child."</p><p>     Cullen's brows lifted in surprise at her admission. </p><p>     "You don't have to answer but I'm curious.... is your younger brother like your eldest?"</p><p>     She exhaled audibly, "honestly I'm not sure. I'd like to think not. But I never imagined that my older brother became such a monster. I hope my sweet Max is still the same boy I remember. "</p><p>     "His name is Max?" Cullen asked.</p><p>     Her posture stiffened as she realized she'd given away her younger brother's name.</p><p>     "Do you know how many Maxs' I know? Your identity is still securely hidden my lady." Cullen said reassuringly. </p><p>     She only hummed in response but her body seemed to slightly relax. </p><p>     They continued their journey in comfortable silence once again. Although speaking to her proved difficult,  just riding beside her in silence was refreshingly comfortable. Most of the time, when he was in the company of a woman, he struggled and stressed about what to talk about. He didn't feel the pressure of conversation with Rose.</p><p>     After sometime, she slowed her horse to a stop. He followed suit and wondered why they were stopping?</p><p>     "Why are-"</p><p>     "SHHH" </p><p>     He froze, suddenly feeling the alert that was apparent in her posture.</p><p>     She dismounted her horse and he did the same.</p><p>     "Rose we should-"</p><p>     An arrow whizzed by his ear. He rolled to the ground but she called out, </p><p>     "A buttered roll is better hot!"</p><p>"Rose! What the hell are you doing?!" He hissed through his teeth.</p><p>     He didn't have to wait long to see as a man came walking out of the trees.</p><p>     "Simon." She said flatly. </p><p>     "Rose, where the fuck is your brother huh? I've sent two Ravens with messages about a shit ton of Inquisition agents and soldiers coming into this area and both times the Ravens came back with the messages still attached. "</p><p>     "That means he's moved the encampment...." she said more to herself than to the seedy man.</p><p>     Cullen stood and brushed himself off. Simon looked him up and down. </p><p>     "Who the fuck is this? Your brother can't afford to give me a higher cut but he can pay for fancy mercenaries? You tell Edward that I've had just about enough of his shit and if he keeps it up I can't promise I can stay away from protected goods." He ran a dirty finger down her cheek and Cullen's stomach knotted at the insinuation.</p><p>     He was about to step in when he felt an enormous surge of magic in the air. Rose extended out her left arm and pushed her hand out as if motioning someone to stop.</p><p>     Simon at the same time flew backwards into a tree and was pinned against it by the invisible force. Cullen had seen the force push spell before, but this was the strongest he'd ever felt it, and for her to use it to hold someone in place? That was definitely new to him. </p><p>     Simon struggled against the tree and even wheezed as he tried to catch his breath. Rose walked slowly up to him, her hand never wavering.</p><p>     "Do you remember what you did when Edward pulled you off of me? When he said you wouldn't have me because it was disrespectful to him and his position?" She pushed her hand out a little further and his body pushed even harder into the tree. His face turned red from lack of air.</p><p>     "No? Let me remind you. You took a woman who was out collecting herbs in the forest. You tied me to a post outside your tent. You invited some of the other men. You each took your turn with her while I had to listen again and again. I heard every sob, every plea, every scream, every cry of pain.... until her fight stopped completely because you broke her."</p><p>     Cullen's chest rose and fell with deep breaths. Her story was horrible. Her magic was thick and so powerful his own anxiety was bubbling to the surface. </p><p>     The man against the tree locked an angry gaze on as her hand retracted just enough to allow him air.</p><p>     "But that wasn't all was it? No. You dragged her by her hair outside and untied me. You told me what happened to her was <em>my </em>fault because I had fought you when you tried to rape me. You said I was protected goods, and that I was a spoiled bitch. Then you handed me a dagger."</p><p>     She walked up to Simon so that she was only inches from his face. Cullen had to strain his ears to hear because her voice dropped low.</p><p>     "Then what?" She asked.</p><p>     Simon scowled, "I told you to kill the stupid bitch." </p><p>     "No. You gave me a <em>choice. </em>Kill her and end her suffering or you'd keep her and repeat her torture the next night and the next and the next....."</p><p>     She withdrew her dagger with her right hand and pointed the sharp tip to his chest.</p><p>     He began struggling again, now a look of panic across his face.</p><p>     "I had never killed anyone in my life. I'd never hurt anyone.....not until that night." She said softly.</p><p>     "It helped make you strong! Look at what you are now! You are <em>powerful </em>in your magic and now you've killed countless times. I helped make you who you are. You would've been fed to the wolves if you'd remained that same soft circle mage. We made you <em>ruthless." </em></p><p>     "I didn't want to kill her! But I couldn't bare to see her put through another night! You made me kill her and you thought it would make me like the rest of you!" She seethed through her teeth. She sounded <em>furious. </em>Cullen noted it was really the only time her voice had had  any kind of emotion that he'd heard so far.</p><p>"You're a murderer just like the rest of us." Simon sneered. </p><p>     "After I ended her misery, I looked at your disgusting face and made you a promise that someday I'd kill you too. Today, I keep my word you bastard." </p><p>     She ran the blade through his chest without hesitation. His eyes widened in shock. Blood dripped from his mouth and he took a couple gargling breaths before his head slouched forward. Rose dropped her hand that had held him against the tree and then withdrew her dagger so that his body dropped to the ground.</p><p>     She pulled out a rag from her boot and wiped her blade clean, tucking it back into her boot when she was finished. She spun around, expressionless and looked at Cullen.</p><p>     "The ravens returned to him twice with the messages still intact. It means my brother has moved the encampment. This means not as many men are looking for us, as they will be preoccupied with the move." She provided the helpful information in a flat, dry tone. </p><p>     He watched as she mounted her horse  faced forward and pulled her hood down tight. </p><p>     "What is the hold up Commander?" She asked without looking back at him.</p><p>     "Uhhh, s-sorry." He quickly mounted his horse and they took off riding at a steady trot. This time she rode several feet ahead, indicating no further discussions were to be had.</p><p>     Cullen's mind reeled from what he'd just witnessed. He knew her brother had physically abused her, but how often he didn't know. But the old and fresh bruising he saw on her face that first morning was proof that she'd dealt with harsh circumstances. </p><p>     But what he just heard.... what he saw....Maker she'd been through far more than he could have imagined.</p><p>     One thing Simon had said that kept creeping into his mind...... "You're a murderer just like the rest of us."</p><p>     What had she done during her time with her brother? Was she forced? Or a willful party? </p><p>    He knew it wouldn't be easy finding out.</p><p>     </p><p>     </p><p>     </p><p>     </p>
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<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Hard but Soft</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>     It was twilight once they had reached the small town of Sarin. A tall wooden wall encircled the town to offer protection from bandits and the wildlife in the forest. </p><p>     They'd ridden in almost complete silence since their deadly encounter. Cullen looked forward to being off the horse and hopefully finding some break in the heavy mood. </p><p>     Right on cue, a bright familiar face greeted him at the town gate.</p><p>     "Commander Cullen! Thank Andraste you're alright!" Scout Harding practically squealed as she threw her arms around him. </p><p>     "Scout Harding, what are you doing here?" He asked with a smile.</p><p>     "Are you kidding? Half the Inquisition has been looking for your ass! Well maybe not half,  but a <em>lot. </em>I was just leaving the town. I had been checking around with the villagers to see if anyone had heard anything.  Then here you come riding up like you haven't been missing for several days!"</p><p>     Harding's attention finally fell on Rose. She was still mounted on her horse, hood drawn as far over her head as possible,  hiding her features in shadow. </p><p>     "Friend of your's?" Scout Harding asked without taking her eyes off Rose.</p><p>     Cullen rubbed at his neck, "not exactly.... she is the one to thank for my escape actually. "</p><p>     Rose interjected lowly, "it was a mutual effort."</p><p>     Harding shrugged her shoulders, her happy demeanor returning quickly. "Well, I can't get a message to the Inquisitor fast enough. He's gonna be so relieved. Here's some coin for a room at the Inn. It's not too shabby. I'm staying at the Inquisition encampment not far from here. You look exhausted,  get a good nights sleep in an actual bed yeah? I'll meet you here with our scouts tomorrow at dawn."</p><p>     Cullen gave a grateful smile, "thank you Harding, I assume the village will be patrolled?"</p><p>     "You know it Commander. "</p><hr/><p>     The duo had their horses put into the Inn's stables and with aching bodies made their way inside. The first floor was the tavern and the smell of dinner filled their nostrils. Cullen was sure the entirety of the Inn could hear his stomach growling like a Mabari. </p><p>     The Inn keeper greeted them at a desk that was right in front as he walked in. </p><p>     "Evening. Staying a night or just here for some supper?"</p><p>     "Both" Cullen said.</p><p>     "Alright, you're just in time, we've only got one room left for the night!" </p><p>     Cullen frowned and turned to Rose, who remained hidden beneath her hood. </p><p>     "I'll ride out to the encampment,  you can take the room."</p><p>     He assumed he would receive silence in response but instead she quickly responded with a firm voice.</p><p>     "Don't be ridiculous. I've shared a room with multiple people most my life. Get the bloody key."</p><p>     Cullen turned and paid the waiting man.</p><p>     "Ya both look like you've been through the ringer. I'll send your supper up to your room, there's  a tub with heat runes underneath." He said in a jolly welcoming voice. Cullen loved the hospitality that small villages such as this one offered. It reminded him of his childhood in Honnleath.</p><p>     They walked up to the second floor and Cullen opened the door to their room. It was surprisingly roomy. A fireplace with a room-warming fire sat on the main wall. There was a small table with two chairs against the window and a large bed opposite the fire place. As he entered the room he noticed the tub to the left and the small screen that offered some sense of privacy. </p><p>     "If you'd like, I can eat my dinner downstairs while you clean up...." he offered,  trying to make her as comfortable as possible. </p><p>     She seemed completely fine with their temporary living arrangement as she began peeling off the layers of leathers and clothing. She stood in nothing but her breastband and smalls as she walked over to the corner that held the tub.</p><p>     Cullen diverted his gaze to the ground, trying to salvage the decency he threw to the wind that morning as he watched her in the river.</p><p>     "I was a circle mage since I was a small child. I've been undressing,  bathing, and sleeping in front of people my whole life. I've spent the last almost two years with those group of assholes. You're fine to eat here Commander. " She said dryly. </p><p>     Cullen sighed as he began taking off his armor and boots. A knock at the door signaled the arrival of their dinner.</p><p>     He eagerly took the bowls of soup and the loaf of warm bread and sat at the table to begin eating. He could hear her stepping into the tub and the gentle splashing of water as she submerged herself. </p><p>     He normally would have waited to start eating but he was so hungry he couldn't. Shoving a piece of bread in his mouth as he sat at the table he decided to try starting up a light conversation. </p><p>     "I grew up in a town similar to this place. Kinda feels like home." He said.</p><p>     She hummed in response. He couldn't see her behind the screen but he imagined she was enjoying the hot water. </p><p>     "Did you grow up in a large town?"</p><p>     "I grew up in the circle. I haven't been home since I was 6." She replied with a sharpness. </p><p>     Cullen wasn't one to give up so easily though.</p><p>     "Is there anything you miss about the circle?"</p><p>There was a thoughtful pause and then she took a deep breath.</p><p>     "I suppose there is. I never thought I'd say that." She let out a bitter chuckle.</p><p>     "I miss the safety of knowing what to expect,  the comfort of a warm bed and the hot meals. Nothing more."</p><p>     "Hhmmm, I can understand. " He responded as he tore off another piece of bread.</p><p>     "When I left the Order, I was ready and eager to get away, but leaving what you've known for so long.... I still miss the most random things.</p><p>     "Like what?" He heard her ask softly.</p><p>     "Well.... I miss my routine at times. I also miss the company of my templar brothers and sisters. Now I am the Commander of an army. It doesn't leave me a lot of peers to connect with."</p><p>     It grew quiet for a few moments. He looked down to see he'd eaten more than half of the bread and had already finished his soup.</p><p>     "You uh... should probably come eat before I finish your portion off too." He said half seriously. </p><p>     "Touch my food and I'll throw you in that fireplace. " She said with a playful tone.</p><p>     He felt a small smile on his face, her voice was so lovely when she allowed some emotion to creep in. He heard her stand and saw her arm reach for the nearby towel. Again,  he diverted his eyes while she dressed and finally sat across from him.</p><p>     "I heard horror stories of Kirkwall. In fact, whenever there was any discontent amongst the mages, the Templars would remind us of how much worse it really could be by telling us of what Kirkwall was like. But you are nothing like the stories...." She ended softly and had her head tilted to the side with that intense, searching gaze. </p><p>     Cullen felt a stab of guilt and shame. Maker how could he have tolerated and even supported Meredith for so long? </p><p>     "Honestly, I am not the same man I was then. I look at my time in Kirkwall and feel shame.  I have my reasons of course but nothing can excuse what I allowed to happen. The Inquisition is my chance to atone for my sins."</p><p>     Her eyes flicked up and down his face, then back to his eyes. He dropped his own eyes and fiddled with a spoon.</p><p>     "I suppose we both have things in our pasts we feel shame for. Sometimes, we don't have much choice but to do as we're told by people far more powerful and cruel."</p><p>     She began tearing her bread into smaller bites and popping piece by piece into her mouth. </p><p>     Cullen felt he had to address the elephant in the room.</p><p>     Taking a deep breath he started,</p><p>     "It's clear you've been put through a lot. After hearing what you told that man today.... and seeing the bruises your brother had left... I want you to know I think you are very brave. You made a plan of escape and you made it happen."</p><p>     She stilled her movement and eating and her eyes slowly raised to meet his. </p><p>     "Sometimes I thought I deserved it. The Maker punishing me for leaving the circle. For hating it."</p><p>Then barely above a whisper, "for being a mage."</p><p>     Cullen shook his head, "<em>No. </em>Nobody deserves that treatment. Certainly not a young woman looking for help and shelter from her own brother. He is the one who will be punished by the Maker."</p><p>     She gave a slight nod and finished off her bread.</p><p>     She stood and stretched languidly,  her exhaustion takikg hold. She stood in her tunic and smalls and Cullen couldn't help but notice her shapely legs.</p><p>     "Ahhh, I can take a blanket and sleep on the floor." He offered. </p><p>     She rolled her eyes as she started making down the bed,  folding the blankets back. "You can sleep over the blankets to maintain your proprietary Commander.  But you deserve a proper night's sleep in a bed."</p><p>     He couldn't help but feel the pull of the big, old bed in front of him. Actually sleeping with a pillow was a luxury he'd been without for several nights.</p><p>     He wore his trousers but removed his shirt. Rose looked up at his bare chest nonchalantly but then quickly diverted her gaze.</p><p>     <em>Is she blushing?</em> He thought to himself as he felt a sense of pride wash over him. The woman who'd been so comfortable sharing quarters was blushing over his body.</p><p>     He lay down on his back and sighed. Maker it was a comfortable bed.</p><p>     She turned over onto her back as well. "I suppose we shall part ways tomorrow. " </p><p>     Cullen's brow pulled into a scrunch. "Why do you say that?"</p><p>     "Well.... we escaped Edward, you're reunited with your Inquisition.... I certainly won't try to follow you. It's not your responsibility to take care of me."</p><p>     "But where will you go?" He asked with genuine concern and a hollow pit in his gut. There was still so much he wanted to know about her. She couldn't leave yet.</p><p>     "I'm not sure. I'll probably head North. Not to the Marches though. Too many familiar faces there. Perhaps Starkhaven?"</p><p>     Cullen knew he had no right to expect her to stay. They barely knew each other. But they'd been through a rather terrible experience together,  and together they had escaped. He felt a connection that he wasn't ready to cut off.</p><p>     "Come with me." He blurted out.</p><p>     Silence.</p><p>     "I mean to say,  come with me back to Skyhold. With your skills, there are plenty of opportunities for you to work with the Inquisition. Healer, spy  scout, messanger, mage trainer.... I could go on, but you'd have a paying job and a place to call home. A safe place."</p><p>     Silence.</p><p>He nervously bit at his cheek. Maker she probably thought he was a desperate ass.</p><p>     "That actually sounds quite wonderful. " She said softly.</p><p>     Cullen felt himself relax. A warmth spread across his body and he smiled.</p><p>     "You may have to put up with a few annoying people of course. I hear the Commander is a real ass." He said with a chuckle.</p><p>     She huffed in amusement. "Actually I've already met him. He's not so bad."</p><p>     He smirked into the darkness, the flames of the fire only embers now. </p><p>     "We'll leave in the morning. Get some rest Rose."</p><p>     She turned over, her back facing him. "Goodnight Commander. "</p><p>     "Call me Cullen please. I think we've been through enough together to drop the formalities." </p><p>     "Alright. Goodnight Cullen. " She said just above whisper. </p><p>     How she could be so hard and yet so soft confounded him.</p><p>     When she was hard, he felt intimidated yet in some awe at her ability to command. But Maker when she was soft .... he felt a warmth blossom within everytime she spoke in that voice.</p><p>     <em>Cullen. </em>The way it sounded on her lips.....</p><p>     "Goodnight Rose." He murmured as he closed his eyes and let his sleep take him to the fade.</p><p>     </p><p>     </p><p>    </p><p>     </p><p> </p><p>     </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Insane</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>     Cullen woke a few hours later, the moon still high in the sky. He slowly became aware of the warm body beside him. A soft scent of lavender and sea salt filling his senses.</p><p>     He turned to his side to face her. The light of the moon shining through the window illuminated her striking face. He'd seen many beautiful women in his life. From the glamorous, high fashion women of Orlais, to the simple, more natural beauties of Fereldan. He'd seen the sensual beauty of Riviani women, the earthy and wild Dalish, and even the chaste modest beauties of the Chantry. </p><p>     None were quite what this woman was. She was soft with her full pouty lips, yet her dark defined brows gave her a sharpness. Her skin wasn't as dark as the Riviani women, yet it was still bronzed and sun-kissed.  She didn't wear the painted lips or eyes like the Orlesian women, yet she was just as glamorous lying in the moonlight. Her thick wavy hair the perfect amount of wild and chic.</p><p>     She was effortlessly beautiful. His admiring gaze was distracted by the scrunch between her brows. Her face began to grimace and he knew she must have been having a nightmare. </p><p>     His heart ached for her as a whimper escaped her lips. He knew all too well how dreams could make you suffer your worst moments again and again. </p><p>     She brought her hands to her face and began trying to shield herself from an invisible attacker. Cullen debated on waking her, ultimately deciding to do so.</p><p>     He propped himself up on an elbow and gently pulled down one of the hands that covered her face.</p><p>     "Rose.... wake up... you're alrig-"</p><p>     Her eyes flew open and in an instant she had pulled a dagger from under her pillow and had it firmly against his throat. Her eyes were wild and Cullen quickly realized she didn't have her wits about her.</p><p>     He made no move to remove the dagger as he hovered over her, instead he tried to speak to her as his hand gently held her at her wrist.</p><p>     "Rose, it's Cullen. You're safe. It was a nightmare. "</p><p>     Her wild eyes were glassy with unshed tears and her chest heaved from her panicked breath. All it would take was a simple flick of her wrist and his throat would be opened.</p><p>     "Please.... drop the blade. I'm not going to hurt you..." he said softly as his eyes searched hers. </p><p>      Her breathing steadied and her eyes became soft once again, her hand slowly lowered but her gaze never left his. Cullen suddenly realized how close they were to one another, his face only inches from hers.</p><p>     "Forgive me." She whispered. </p><p>     "There's nothing here to forgive. I understand nightmares more than I wish I did." He murmured. </p><p>     His head was spinning as he stared down at her beneath him. </p><p>     "Sometimes, I envy the Tranquil." She said.</p><p>     Cullen shook his head, "although I understand why, Tranquility is not the answer."</p><p>     "Then what is?" She replied as she turned her face away to try to hide the tears that were escaping.</p><p>     Without thinking,  he took a finger and placed it on her chin, gently turning her face back to him. He wiped away a tear with his thumb as he answered,</p><p>"Time. Making new memories. Happier ones. The demons of our past still linger, but their presence becomes less powerful as time passes."</p><p>     She took a shaky breath and her eyes burned into his. He felt an overwhelming need to lower his lips to hers. To taste her. To be the new happy memory. She made no effort to moveaway, and he saw her tongue flick between her lips to wet them.</p><p>     <em>Maker Rutherford,  she's just had a nightmare and quite the horrid ordeal and you're an arsehole for trying to take advantage. </em> His inner voice chastised. </p><p>     He removed his hand from her face and rolled back over. "Try to get some sleep. You're safe here."</p><p>     He squeezed his eyes shut, desperate to quiet the desire that was burning inside him.</p><hr/><p>     When she'd woke from the nightmare,  she'd seen a dark figure above her. Her mind immediately went to being attacked. Was it one of the men her brother had employed? They were absolute <em>predators. </em>Perhaps one of her brother's enemies?</p><p>     Before she could give the figure a chance to make any movement,  her dagger was at his throat.</p><p>     That's when his low, baritone voice spoke in the darkness. She began to regain her senses and realized she was peering into the gold eyes of the Commander. His handsome face hovering above hers, scrunched in concern.</p><p>     Despite the dagger to his throat,  he still spoke soothing words to her. She dropped her blade and felt herself getting lost in his eyes again.</p><p>     She stared too often. She knew it. But she couldn't help but lose herself a bit when he gazed at her with his unusual and striking eyes. </p><p>     He wiped a tear from her face and his rough hands were warm and gentle as he did so. His words of comfort washing over her like the most soothing of balms.</p><p>     For a moment,  she thought to kiss him. Then she quickly realized how ridiculous that would be. The Commander of the Inquisition,  wanting her? She didn't know much of the Inquisition but she knew it was a massive organization. She knew how important he must be.</p><p>     More importantly,  she knew how stupid it would be to get close to anyone. If there was one thing she'd learned , it was that she could only rely on herself. Breaking that code would be insanity. </p><p>     But when she looked into his eyes,  she felt herself going a little insane.</p><p>     </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Confused</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Scout Harding reports that the Commander is safe and is back with Inquisition agents this morning. He is accompanied by a woman who apparently worked with his kidnappers in some capacity,  but has left them, helping Cullen escape."</p><p>     Leliana delivered the news factually but a small glimmer of relief was apparent in the way her eyes had softened. </p><p>     "Thank the Maker for that! Although I've enjoyed being the object of the women's whispered conversations around here, I am willing to take a backseat if it means Cullen is returning."</p><p>     Maxwell's good humor quickly began returning at the happy news. </p><p>     Josephine laughed and clapped her hands excitedly. "Andraste has blessed us once again! Leliana,  what is the woman's name who helped him escape?"</p><p>     Leliana's mouth tightened,  "Rose. That is all Scout Harding is able to get out of her. And her history with the Red lyrium dealers concerns me. Inquisitor,  you may have a difficult decision to make. Do we excuse her past crimes because she helped Cullen escape? Or do we hold her accountable?"</p><p>     Maxwell scratched at his chin that his dark goatee mostly covered. "Well we're not even sure there that a crime was committed Leliana. "</p><p>    With a skeptical look she began,  "According to both Cullen's report and Scout Harding's,  she was not a prisoner,  in fact, the leader was her own brother. A man named Edward. " Leliana said as she handed the reports over to Maxwell.</p><p>     His eyes scanned the parchment that had been written only a few hours earlier and delivered by Leliana's ravens.</p><p>     "Figures.... a brother named Edward is never a good thing it seems..." he muttered to himself, thinking of his own brother by the same name.</p><p>     "Cullen mentions she was greatly mistreated but hasn't explained how.... but you're right Leliana. She could just be a disgruntled sibling and saw a chance to get out. It doesn't excuse past criminal activity.... unless the actions were minor of course."</p><p>     "Red lyrium corrupts countless men and women, even the slightest involvement aids in the downfall of innocent people." Leliana said in a clipped tone.</p><p>     "Do what you do best Leli. Find out everything you can.  Once the evidence is gathered, I'll make a decision. " </p><p>     Leliana nodded solemnly as Josephine made her final notations of the meeting. Maxwell's eyes fell to the bottom of Cullen's report;</p><p>     <em>She is an extremely private woman, but she has demonstrated tremendous resilience. From what little I have seen, her experience with the lyrium dealers was horrid and their treatment of her unspeakable. I have asked her to accompany us to Skyhold,  where she may find shelter and work. We will be arriving within a few short days. It will be good to be back.</em></p><p>
  <em>     -Commander Cullen. </em>
</p><p>Maxwell scratched at his chin again. He and Cullen had become the best of friends over their time together in the Inquisition.  He respected the man greatly and depended on him more than anyone else. So as he read the Commander's words, he felt in his heart that there was something more to his asking this woman to Skyhold. He feared what he may have to do if she was indeed guilty of helping the red lyrium dealers. The last thing he would ever want, was to hurt Cullen. </p><p>     But this was his position. Justice had to be served equally and fairly for everyone.</p><hr/><p>     They'd been on the road since early dawn and everyone's backs were beginning to ache.</p><p>     "Commander,  we've gotta give everyone a break for lunch and a stretch. I think even the horses are about to rebel." Harding remarked as she rubbed at her lower back.</p><p>     Cullen looked back at the tired and disgruntled faces of the soldiers and scouts. </p><p>     "Alright Harding. We can stop for a break."</p><p>     Everyone dismounted and tied their horses to the trees near the road. Some soldiers dramatically plopped down to the ground, moaning about their achy bodies. Others began reaching for snacks from their packs. Cullen rolled his eyes and searched around for Rose.</p><p>     He found her quietly stroking the nose of her horse and sneaking him a carrot. Her hood was still over her head, but he could see her face as she looked up lovingly at her mount. </p><p>     He approached slowly and said to her, "You're quite good with horses.  Every horse you've been on has quickly become attached to you." </p><p>     A small ghost of a smile played on her lips. "Well I suppose it runs in the family....Or it could be the carrots." She added dryly.</p><p>     Cullen chuckled,  "I guess bribery doesn't hurt does it? Your family has horses then?" </p><p>     She glanced at him sharply then back to her horse. "Yes.... of course I was very young going to the circle. But it was always said that my family had a way with horses."</p><p>     Cullen patted the horse's side as he desperately thought  of what to say to keep the conversation going.</p><p>     "That sounds like the Inquisitor and his family. They have tons of horses. The finest- some say. Although our horse master at Skyhold would probably argue that statement. "</p><p>     She hummed, "well, I do remember some of my families horses, and  I am confident they would pose a formidable challenge to the Inquisitor and his family's horses anyday. And your horse master for that matter as well."</p><p>     Cullen chuckled as he continued to watch her interact with the beast. She gently brought her forehead down to nuzzle against the bridge of it's nose.</p><p>     "The Inquisitor would take you up on the challenge.  He doesn't speak in a competitive manner,  but his actions demonstrate otherwise. I suppose he lives up to his family's motto..... what is it again??? 'Modest in temper,  bold in deed' or something like that." </p><p>     Rose slowly raised her head from the horse's and met Cullen's gaze with an indecerinable expression. </p><p>     Her words were slow and barely above a whisper. </p><p>     "<em>what did you say?" </em></p><p>     Was her voice quivering? </p><p>     Cullen cleared his throat and went to repeat himself but she spoke up again before he could. </p><p>     "The Inquisitor.... you never told me his name." Her voice more forceful than before.</p><p>     Cullen was confused. Had he said something wrong? He rubbed his neck awkwardly as he replied, "ahhhh right, I'm sorry. Inquisitor Maxwell Trevelyan. Are you familiar with the name?"</p><p>     Her face was a blank, expressionless mask as she gazed into his eyes. </p><p>     "It's been nice speaking with you Commander. It seems everyone is ready to continue the journey." She swiftly turned and made her way to the otherside of the horse. She gracefully mounted herself into her saddle. </p><p>     Cullen felt terribly confused as he looked back and indeed saw the soldiers mounting their horses. Maker what did he say? He thought the conversation had gone well until the last part. </p><p>     "Rose... if I've upset you-"</p><p>     "You've done nothing wrong Cullen. I look forward to meeting this Inquisitor of yours."</p><p>     She turned her horse away and began trotting up the road with some of the other soldiers,  leaving Cullen looking after her wondering what in the hell he did wrong. </p><p>     <em>I am no good with women. But especially that woman it would seem. </em>He thought to himself as he threw a leg over his own horse and set a swift pace to catch up.</p><p>     </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Numb</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Trigger warning: <br/>*Mentions of suicidal thoughts and depression *</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>     They'd finally stopped as the sun was lowering behind the distant Frostbacks. Rose hadn't spoke a single word since their conversation late that morning. </p><p>     He sat near the campfire as some of the men finished setting up the tents. He set about writing a letter of condolences to Ben's family. He started it off and almost immediately crumpled the paper. He tried again, and then a thrid time. They all ended up in the fire.</p><p>     He took out Ben's pin that he'd removed from his body and traced the engraving with his thumb. It wasn't right that he once again had escaped death while someone more deserving had died. </p><p>     He was brought from his sad thoughts by the faint scent of lavender and sea salt. She gently sat beside him and stared into the flames.</p><p>     "He was important to you." She stated quietly.</p><p>     He glanced at her and back to the pin. "He was. Ben was young and eager to dedicate his life to protecting others. He deserved so much more." </p><p>     She didn't say anything for a few moments. He sighed and placed the pin back into his inner shirt pocket.</p><p>     "Tell me ... is this Inquisitor merciful? Is he kind?" She asked as she turned her body to face him. Her features glowing in the firelight. </p><p>     "He's merciful when he can be. He is a good man. I've come to know him well. I wouldn't serve anyone else."</p><p>     She tilted her head as she rolled over his words.</p><p>     In a sudden change of topic she asked, "so you're Fereldan?"</p><p>     "Yes ..." </p><p>"Do you have a Mabari? I've always wanted to pet one. I have read that they are enormous. "</p><p>     He chuckled lowly, "I am sad to say I do not. Hopefully someday I will have one to call my own. But they are enormous creatures and smart too."</p><p>     He wanted to keep the conversation going and decided to stay with the lighter subject. </p><p>     "Did you read about them in the circle?" </p><p>     She nodded,  "I did. I enjoyed reading about the different beasts and creatures of Thedas. I obviously couldn't have a pet of my own in the circle so I think it made animals that more appealing. "</p><p>     He hummed. "I can understand that. Templars we're clearly not allowed pets either. When I was stationed in Kirkwall, a young Templar tried sneaking in a baby Druffalo from his family's farm.,"</p><p>     Her eyes widened, "You're lying."</p><p>     He held up his hands, "I swear it. I have no idea what he was thinking. Imagine if we hadn't found out when we did? We may have had a full grown Druffalo in Templar armor on our hands as I imagine that was his long term plan." </p><p>     Her lips suddenly turned upwards into a full blown smile. Dazzling white teeth showed for the first time as her head fell back and she <em>laughed </em>openly and fully.</p><p>     Cullen felt his whole body warm at the sight and his own smile overwhelmed his face.</p><p>     She finally caught her breath and looked up to him, meeting his gaze. </p><p>     "Maker it's been a long time since I've laughed like that." She said with a pleasant expression. </p><p>     "I'm not exactly known to the troops as a comic, but I'm happy to have made you smile."</p><p>     She yawned and eyed the tents. She bit her lower lip nervously. "The soldiers.... will I be safe alone in my tent?" She asked quietly.</p><p>     Without thinking he took his hand and cupped her chin to raise her face to his.</p><p>     "It would be their death warrant if they touched you, do you understand? You are <em>safe </em>here."</p><p>     His eyes burned so intensely she felt herself melt into the warm golden amber that stared back at her. </p><p>     She nodded in understanding. </p><p>"Besides,  I've seen you wield your daggers and magic. You seem capable of defending yourself if need be. Your tent is next to mine for further protection. But you've nothing to fear from our soldiers."</p><p>     She gave a small one sided smile and stood. "Thank you Cullen."</p><p>    She made her way into her tent as Cullen watched her go.</p><hr/><p>     He was more than what she had assumed. Kinder, more gentle, ethical. He completely shattered her notion of Templars. She'd known he had been one the moment he was dragged into her brothers encampment. His posture, his fighting stance all screamed Templar.</p><p>     Her time in the circle wasn't terrible. Certainly not as bad as some other circles in Thedas.</p><p>     But she'd suffered long bouts of a numb depression from seeing the same stone walls day in and day out since she'd been a small child.</p><p>     There were times she tried to make the best of it. Throwing herself into her magic and studies. Excelling in everything she set out to do. </p><p>     Then something would come along and throw her back into the dark hollow place in her soul.</p><p>     She had to stop reading books about adventure and love. They'd been her favorite but as she grew older, the bitter reality of knowing she'd never experience anything close to adventure or love herself took hold. </p><p>    She'd found herself in romantic entanglements of course. But she was never allowed to show her affection in the open. Everything was done in secret and dark places. She couldn't marry or have children.</p><p>     She couldn't sail across the sea or climb a mountain. She couldn't visit the cobblestone streets of Orlais or the green tall grass of Fereldan. </p><p>     She was confined to the walls of the tower, never to leave. She <em>existed </em>but she wasn't allowed to <em>live.</em></p><p>In her more desperate times she'd thought of ending her life. It wasn't a life of importance or value anyways. Who would miss her? The people in the Circle? They'd easily move on. Her family? Her parents had stopped writing years ago. Edward would send a letter every couple years or so. It was only little Max who would send her regular letters. He'd looked up to his bigger sister before she was taken. They had been inseparable. </p><p>     He'd be saddened by the news but like everyone else, he'd move on.</p><p>     Ultimately,  she pushed through the darkest thoughts. </p><p>     When talks of mages rebelling and circles falling began circulating,  she felt the thrill of possibility for the first time.</p><p>     She had a chance to <em>leave. </em>A chance to truly <em>live. </em>She had eagerly cast her vote in favor for the mages rebelling.</p><p>     When she left the tower, the cruel reality of the world hit her. She was utterly alone. She had no survival skills, coin, food......</p><p>     As she pondered on what to do, an opportunity presented itself to her in the form of her eldest brother who had apparently been closely watching the fall of the circles and recruiting mages into his business. </p><p>     "We're miners. We mine for certain valuables in Thedas and sell them. We have men that get injured as it can be dangerous work. You would be our healer dear sister.  You'll have a place to sleep and food in your belly. What do you say?"</p><p>     Despite the uneasy pit in her stomach as she looked into the emptiness of his eyes and the circles that were beneath them, she reluctantly agreed. </p><p>     He looked drastically different than what she remembered. But many years had passed, and she had nowhere to go.</p><p>     She should have stayed in the tower. </p><p>     Now she found herself in the Inquisition. For now at least. And she found herself staring too much at the Commander. And thinking about him far too often. </p><p>     </p><p> </p><p>
  
</p><p>     </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Questions</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>     They arrived at Skyhold the next day. </p><p>     A large crowd of onlookers waited near the main gate to welcome their Commander back. His tale of capture and escape had spread like wildfire. He tried to control the frown that threatened to show itself. Ben died and was not returning. He didn't feel like there was much to celebrate. </p><p>     Still, it would be seen as yet another victory for the Inquisition and it's leaders.</p><p>     Rose rode her horse close to his, almost clinging to him unconsciously. She was a newcomer in a strange place. Not only that, but her brother had deliberately withheld news of the outside world from her. So seeing the Inquisition at it's height must have been overwhelming for her. He wished they would have waited to return after dark so the crowds wouldn't have been there. </p><p>     Horse Master Dennet met the group with several stable boys to take their horses. </p><p>     "Welcome back Commander. " he grunted as he led Cullen's horse away. </p><p>     A runner quickly parted the crowds and stood in front of Cullen. "Sister Leliana requests your presence and the woman you've brought along at once. She wishes you to meet her near the main door of the dungeon."</p><p>     Cullen raised his brows, "the dungeon?"</p><p>      The runner nodded, "yes just inside the entry sir."</p><p>     Cullen looked to Rose, "Sister Nightingale is our spymaster. She no doubt has business with interrogating a prisoner. She must be busy to have us meeting her near the cells. She'll have some questions for us, then we can get you settled."</p><p>      Cullen noticed that her face had paled and grown grim. Her eyes were dark and she looked up to the sky. She closed her eyes and seemed to bask in the sunlight for a moment. Taking a deep breath,  she let it out slowly, then turned her head to Cullen.</p><p>     With a look of resignation she nodded,</p><p>"very well. Before we continue any further... I wanted to tell you that you've been such a gift to me. One that I do not deserve. Although you credit me helping you escape,  you helped me just as much, and for that I am grateful.  You've shown me a kindness that I thought I'd never know again. Thank you Cullen. "</p><p>     He stood speechless and before he could think of any reply, she began following the runner. Cullen followed closely behind. He had a gnawing sensation in his gut and her words, although kind, unnerved him. </p><p>     When they arrived in front of the door leading to the dungeon, the runner stopped. "She's just on the inside Sir." He opened the door for Cullen and Rose. </p><p>     "Thank you." Cullen said as he stepped in as confidently as possible. </p><p>     Leliana stood in the entry and softly smiled as she looked up at him. </p><p>    "Welcome back Commander. I feared I would have to send the entire army for you. I should have known you'd find a way to rescue yourself." </p><p>     Cullen greeted her pleasantly,  "it's good to be back. But I cannot take the credit I am afraid. Lady Rose is responsible for my escape." He extended his arm to usher Rose beside him.</p><p>     Her face was as expressionless as Leliana's as the women faced one another.</p><p>     Rose simply bowed her head in a greeting and stood stoic and somber. Leliana's gaze was hard and sharp as she looked over Rose.</p><p>     "The Inquisition thanks you for your decision to help the Commander. However, I fear we are aware of your past crimes committed in the company of the red lyrium dealers. I have the unfortunate duty to have you apprehended for questioning. " Leliana delivered the blow in a smooth, icy tone.</p><p>     Cullen's face contorted in anger, "<em>what?! </em>Absolutely NOT. This woman SAVED me, you cannot possibly arrest her Leliana I will not allow it!"</p><p>     She snapped her head to Cullen and replied,  "These are the Inquisitor's orders. You will have to take it up with him Commander. One good deed does not wipe out helping those who commit atrocities. "</p><p>     She made a subtle motion with her head, and two guards appeared and began placing shackles on Rose's wrists.</p><p>     Cullen stepped forward aggressively,  seemingly to stop them physically if need be.</p><p>     But Rose looked up at him and smiled sadly while shaking her head 'no'. </p><p>     "It's alright Cullen. It's alright. Remember what I told you. You've done more than enough."</p><p>     His jaw clenched tightly and his gaze was hard as he watched the guards walk her down the long hall leading to the underground cells. </p><p>     "She does not deserve this treatment. I brought her here to be safe and have a chance at happiness! Dammit Leliana you've no idea what she's been through!" He was shouting now and his hands were clenched in tight fists.</p><p>     "And you do? Cullen you've known her for only a few days. How can you so easily trust her? From what I've uncovered so far she may not be so innocent. I must question her."</p><p>     "You mean <em>interrogate </em>her." He seethed through his clenched teeth.</p><p>      Leliana didn't flinch. "I try to question. The prisoner decides if it has to become an interrogation."</p><p>     "Do not hurt her Leliana. Promise me you will not." He said in a dangerously low voice.</p><p>     She arched a knowing brow,  "so protective already... she is quite beautiful. Could you have been so easily manipulated Commander?" She asked wondering to herself aloud.</p><p>     "It isn't like that! I've seen what was done to her. It wasn't what you think. She was held captive just as I was!"</p><p>     "Really? She was tied up and unable to leave?" Leliana asked as she crossed her arms. "My understanding is that she had her own tent, was free to walk about the encampment on her own accord. That doesn't exactly sound like a prisoner Commander. "</p><p>     Cullen pinched the bridge of his nose.</p><p>"Do. Not. Touch. Her. I will speak with the Inquisitor on this matter."</p><p>    .Leliana gave the slightest of nods and turned on her heel to make her way to her newest prisoner.</p><p>   </p><hr/><p>     Rose looked around her cell. It was the largest one they had, no doubt on purpose so that there could be room for her interrogators. Her wrists were already aching from the heavy iron shackles that bound them together. </p><p>     She'd anticipated this.</p><p>     When she came to understand how powerful and knowledgeable the Inquisition was, she knew it would only be a matter of time before they knew about her. </p><p>     She had weighed her options carefully. Appeal to Maxwell Trevelyan immediately? Throw herself at his mercy? </p><p>     She had decided to take the most just and honest route she could. She wasn't even sure she deserved mercy. </p><p>     She'd taken innocent lives. They'd asked for it, and some even begged. But nonetheless,  she was a murderer. The guilt had ate her up. Every night she lay her head down to sleep,  the faces of her victims haunted her. </p><p>     If she was to face justice,  <em>real justice, </em>the Inquisitor would need to know all of the details <em>before </em>knowing who she was. His decision should not be based on her identity.  She would not be treated any differently than anyone else. </p><p>     She smirked and huffed a soft laugh. All she had ever wanted was to be like everyone else. To be <em>treated</em> like everyone else.</p><p>     It was a twisted irony that she would finally get her wish in this way.</p><hr/><p>     Leliana approached with soft steps to the woman's cell. The two guards opened the iron door and let her in, following close behind her. Rose could feel that one was a Templar.  </p><p>    "As long as you do not try to attack with magic, you've nothing to fear from him.' Leliana said as if reading her mind.</p><p>     One of the guards had brought in a wooden chair.</p><p>     "Sit." Leliana ordered. </p><p>     Rose did as she was told and sat in the chair, looking down at her shackled hands. </p><p>     "Let's begin with something easy hhmmm? What is your full name?" She asked as she began circling Rose.</p><p>     Without looking up Rose replied,  "I will tell you everything. But I will not give you my name. I will only reveal that to the Inquisitor. "</p><p>     Leliana looked genuinely curious. </p><p>     "Why?"</p><p>Rose raised her gaze to Leli, "my reasons are my own. Any other question will be answered honestly and swiftly. "</p><p>      Leliana thought on her words for a moment. </p><p>"Very well, we can move on from that for now. Did you help your brother with his red lyrium dealings?"</p><p>     "Yes."</p><p>"In what way?"</p><p>     "I acted as a healer for those who were mining lyrium and those who were fighting in the field. I've only recently learned it was your forces they were battling."</p><p> "You didn't know the Inquisition was fighting you? How is that possible?"</p><p>   "My brother kept many things from me. He believed the less I knew the better. "</p><p>     "Why?"</p><p>"He knew I hated helping. If I knew there were people powerful enough to help me, to protect me, I would have attempted escaping long before I actually did." </p><p>     "I have eyewitness reports from the small town of Ashlyn. Your brother and his company of slavers, took over the town and began mining operations. They forced the townspeople into mining red lyrium. Several reports say that you acted as the healer to the enslaved. Some reported that when their loved ones went to you for healing, they were not seen again. Explain."</p><p>     Rose felt the numbness wash over her. It was a familiar dull that had protected her mind from the horrors she had repeatedly witnessed. It was a heavy, gray,  comfort. </p><p>     Taking a deep breath she began,</p><p>     "It is true. The people were around raw red lyrium. Some were around mass quantities. Their bodies began to deteriorate and they experienced unspeakable pain. My brother,  wanting to make sure he could keep people alive as long as possible for the purpose of bodies to mine his lyrium,  sent them to me.</p><p>     I healed those that I could. I was ordered to kill those I could not."</p><p>     "You killed others to save your own skin?" Leliana accused. </p><p>     "Not exactly.... I would have welcomed a quick death. I gave those people in their final moments the chance to feel no pain. To gently shut their eyes and fall into their eternal slumber. Had I not done so, they would have been killed in whatever sick, sadistic way my brother's men saw fit that day."</p><p>     "So you see yourself as a hero and martyr?" Leliana asked.</p><p>     "No. Understand it was a terrible place filled with terrible people. I did what good I could with the cards I'd been dealt. But I pray to the Maker, if he exists, that he can forgive me. Perhaps I was wrong. Somedays I am not sure."</p><p>     "One eyewitness said his sister went to see you and had seemed relatively healthy. He never saw her again."</p><p>     "Some people begged me to kill them. They were beaten, starved... tortured in terrible ways. The thought of facing one more day in such conditions drove them mad. They would ask me to put them out of their misery. They knew what red lyrium would do to them eventually. They wanted to leave this world knowing who they were."</p><p>     Leliana stopped and gazed at Rose for several long moments. </p><p>     "Why did your brother choose you?"</p><p>     "He chose many mages. He watched the fall of each circle carefully under the direction of Samson. He offered protection,  shelter, work.... mages eagerly accepted. He assigned them to different locations. When he heard of Ostwick, he offered me help. I was an easy target. "</p><p>     Leliana pursed her lips together and rolled Rose's confession around in her head. </p><p>     "You've upheld your end of the agreement by answering my questions with detail. I will report my findings to the Inquisitor. He will deliver your judgement when he decides what is the correct course of action."</p><p>    She turned abruptly and made her way to the door. The guards opened it for the Spymaster and she left without another word.</p><p>     Leliana made her to the war room, where she knew Cullen would be giving Maxwell an earful. </p><p>    </p><p>     </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Spark</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>     "Inquisitor <em>please,  </em>you have to trust me on this!" Cullen was practically pleading. </p><p>     Maxwell sighed and braced himself against the war table with his arms. </p><p>     "Cullen, I have to know without a doubt that she is safe to have roaming around Skyhold. And if she's committed serious crimes? Have you ever considered that perhaps her and her brother had a falling out of some kind? Then she waited for her opportunity to leave?"</p><p>     Cullen pinched the bridge of his nose and squeezed his eyes shut. A headache had already begun pounding behind his eyes.They had been going round and round for some time now.</p><p>     He had no proof of her innocence,  only his own personal feelings. Deep down he knew it wouldn't be enough and if the tables were turned, he'd have  the same reservations as Maxwell.</p><p>     The door to the war room opened and Leliana stepped in, looking unsurprised to find Cullen there, defending the apprehended woman.</p><p>     "She's given a full confession Inquisitor, you must make the final decision. "</p><p>     She calmly handed over the report she had written, documenting her interrogation. </p><p>     Maxwell rubbed at his chin and after reading it over, he sighed and handed it to Cullen.</p><p>     "Why will she not give her name?" Maxwell asked, turning to Leliana.</p><p>     "She says she will give it only to you." She replied. "She answered my questions thoroughly,  as she said she would. I detected no deception in her answers."</p><p>     Cullen read the report and his heart sank with heaviness. She had killed people. This must be what the man in the woods was referring to. He didn't know how to feel about it.</p><p>     As a military man, he knew that some decisions were not always black and white. Some things were just plain ugly,  and people are forced to make nasty decisions. Forced to decide between the lesser of two evils. Yet his Chantry upbringing,  the core of his beliefs,  cast a dark shadow over Rose. If she was a stranger, if he didn't feel-whatever it was he was feeling about her- what would he recommend?</p><p>     Maxwell began pacing the length of the table. </p><p>     "Advisors.... your thoughts?"</p><p>Josephine, who had remained silent throughout Cullen's pleas to release the woman, and now Leliana's findings, spoke.</p><p>     "Does she show remorse Leliana?"</p><p>     Leliana nodded, "I believe she is remorseful. It should also be noted that she showed strong signs of past trauma. I believe the Commander when he says she suffered."</p><p>     Maxwell groaned, "this is difficult. There is no escaping the fact she killed multiple people. The survivors will share their stories if they find out she was captured and released by the Inquisition. They will expect justice."</p><p>     "Perhaps a public trial? Her crimes and her defense laid out for all to hear? Then you deliver your judgement. Hear from her directly Inquisitor." Leliana offered.</p><p>     Her eyes glanced at a now silent and brooding Commander. His eyes reading the report again and again. </p><p>     Maxwell nodded. "That sounds like the best course of action. Josephine,  schedule the trial for tomorrow. I am quite eager to meet this woman. For now, I have to begin preparations for our trip to the Western Approach. "</p><p>     He paused as he scratched his beard covered chin. "She better have one hell of a name to build up this kind of suspense." He muttered. </p><p>     He turned to Cullen and mustered a small smile. "I can't express how good it is to have you back Commander. I'm sorry it couldn't be a happier reunion. I will send a generous package to Ben's family in his honor."</p><p>     "Thank you Inquisitor. " Cullen said with bow of his head. </p><p>   </p><hr/><p>     She could hear heavy footsteps approaching. Although she was prepared for anything,  she still felt a rising fear in her chest. Were they coming to tell her she was to be executed? She was ready if that was the case. But her body's self defense and will to survive reacted appropriately nonetheless. </p><p>     The door to the cell opened and instead of the icy Spymaster,  the deep reds of the Commander's cloak filled her vision.</p><p>     The door closed behind him,  leaving them alone in the cell. </p><p>     "You know everything. " She stated rather than asked. Her eyes meeting his. They glowed with a faint golden light, like a lion's in the shadows. </p><p>     "Yes." He said lowly.</p><p>     There was a pause. He gripped the pommel of his sword tightly,  his jaw visibly clenching and releasing again and again.</p><p>     "You killed innocent people. For a slaver. Who was mining Red Lyrium to sell. " He listed the facts of her crimes in a firm voice.</p><p>    "I did." She replied. Her eyes not wavering from his. </p><p>     "That's it? No explanation? No defense of your reasons?" He asked exasperated. </p><p>     "Is there a defense worth telling?" She asked softly.</p><p>     "Yes dammit!" He shouted as his fist hit the cell door. </p><p>     "You are to be put on trial, the Inquisitor will decide your fate. You have to fight for it! For your <em>life!</em>" He growled.</p><p>     "Perhaps I do not deserve mercy. He must know the full story. Yet he still demands a trial? You said yourself he was a just man. He offers mercy when he could. If he does not extend it now, then it must be for good reason." </p><p>     "He doesn't <em>know </em>you. He hasn't seen what you were put through. You must make him understand that you were not a willing participant. Maker Rose have you no fight left in you?!" He shook her by her arms that hung at her sides, her hands still shackled in fromt of her. </p><p>     She stared at him defeated, "I'm not sure I do Cullen." She answered just above a whisper. </p><p>     "I've fought to keep going for a long time. Perhaps death will be a blessing. I am tired and weary of this world." Her eyes glistened with unshed tears. Cullen's eyes shined with his own.</p><p>     "You cannot give up now. I know what it's like to carry a guilt so heavy it feels like a mountain sits on your shoulders. I know what it's like to be haunted by cries and faces of innocent people when you close your eyes at night. But you cannot slip away into your guilt. We all make choices that we struggle with." His firm grip now softening on her arms as he watched her tears finally spill over and rain down her cheeks.</p><p>     He brought her into a tight embrace, resting his head atop her own. </p><p>     "You deserve happiness. Where you can find it. But you have to keep fighting for it. Swear to me you will." He pleaded in his baritone voice.</p><p>     It washed over her like a calm wave. She imagined a life with someone like him. Someone kind yet strong, wise and ferocious. It was a silly thing to imagine.</p><p>     He pulled away and stared intensely into her eyes. "Swear to me."</p><p>     Something about his intense stare and passionate tone ignited a spark inside her. A small fighting spark of hope. </p><p>     She answered lowly, "I swear it."</p><p>He sighed in slight relief and dropped his hold on her arms. </p><p>     "I will pray to the Maker for you tonight Rose. May he shine his mercy on you, because you should have it." He turned and left the cell, shutting the heavy door behind him softly.</p><p>     She sat alone in the darkness once again. Her thoughts spinning like a hurricane. </p><p>     She would fight tomorrow. But only the Maker knew what Inquisitor Trevelyan would decide.</p><hr/><p>     Cullen sat at his desk, the candles in his office burning low. He was utterly exhausted. He looked around wearily. He should try get some sleep but he knew it wouldn't come easily. </p><p>     A soft knock on his door signaled sleep was still a ways off.</p><p>     "Enter" he sighed.</p><p>     Lisette walked into his office. She wore a long tunic tied at the waist with dark leggings instead of her Templar armor. Her long red hair was pulled and tied over one shoulder.</p><p>     "Maker it's good to have you back <em>Commander. </em>" She purred as she swiftly marched over to his chair and wrapped her arms around his neck.</p><p>     They'd had sexual encounters in the past. A release for both of them and nothing more. But lately,  she'd been pushing for more and Cullen only wanted less. Perhaps it was that pulling away that made her desperate to hang on. </p><p>     He placed his hands on her arms and gently pulled them down away from him.</p><p>     "Thank you Lisette. It's good to be back." He replied.</p><p>     She ignored his removal of her arms. She smiled and traced a finger down his chest.</p><p>"I prayed for your safe return everyday and every night. Cullen if you'd been taking lyrium, perhaps your senses would have been sharper. You've never been ambushed. I fear this silly protest of the Order is clouding your judgement. "</p><p>     He stood angrily and walked to the otherside of his desk to create space between them. He wished he'd never told her. But she'd found him one night, shaking and vomiting. She immediately recognized that it was lyrium withdrawals and assumed he was selflessly giving his supply to others.  </p><p>     She had taken her own bottle and placed it to his lips and was shocked when swatted it to the ground. He then had to explain himself.</p><p>     Ever since, she'd ridiculed his decision. It came from genuine concern and a loyal dedication to the Chantry. Every chance she saw, she seized it to try to make him change his mind. </p><p>     "This has nothing to do with Lyrium Lisette. It was a well orchestraed ambush. Even Leliana was caught off guard. I've returned in one piece haven't I? I did it without the aid of lyrium."</p><p>     Lisette frowned, "I didn't mean to upset you.... I wanted to <em>celebrate </em>your return. Let me show you how much I missed you in your absence." Her hands wandered down to the tie at her waist. </p><p>     Cullen held up his hand. "I'm sorry.... I'm exhausted. I can't." He said with a sigh.</p><p>     A look of hurt flashed across her face and a red flush of anger spread across her pale skin. </p><p>     "Right. Very well. I will see you during training then. Goodnight Commander. " Her posture straight and stiff, she stormed out of his office.</p><p>     He sighed and made his way up his ladder. When his head hit his pillow, he saw only one thing; pale gray eyes and a soft smile. </p><p>     He began quietly praying for her,  just as he'd told her he would.</p><p>     </p><p>   </p><p>     </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Judgement</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>*trigger warning *<br/>Mentions of torture and abuse.</p><p>There will be smut in this story...slowly making our way to it.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>     He stood straight and stoic. On the inside, he felt as if he'd burst from his own skin. He wanted to grab the Inquisitor and shake him until he saw reason. He wanted to grab Rose and fling her over his shoulder and carry her to safety. </p><p>     But he knew all he could reasonably do was stand beside the Inquisitor as the apprehended approached the throne. She was led by two Inquisition guards flanking each side of her. One was a former Templar. He still regularly took lyrium, so if she tried to use magic to escape he could stop her.</p><p>     Of course Cullen knew none of that was necessary.  But he couldn't convince Maxwell or Leliana that he wasn't just a lovesick puppy, blinded by his affections. So, the precautions were kept in place.</p><p>     She wore her hood, pulled firmly over her head  and her face was down. She was like a shadow making it's way up the main hall. Maxwell's hands rested casually on the arms of his throne  one reaching to scratch at his closely trimmed beard.</p><p>     Josephine cleared her throat as she prepared to announce the accused. </p><p>     Finally,  Rose stood in front of the Inquisitor, her face hidden by her cloak, her gaze still downcast.</p><p>     "Inquisitor Trevelyan,  we present to you... ah, Lady Rose. She has declined to give her full name as of yet. She is accused of aiding red lyrium dealers in the mining of lyrium, slavery and execution of people, and selling of red lyrium. She has given her confession and defense of her actions. She awaits your questioning and judgement. "</p><p>     The crowd of curious onlookers went dead silent as they waited for the Inquisitor to speak.</p><p>     He examined her with a careful stare. Then he glanced at Cullen, who's eyes were fixated on the woman in front of them. Maker he was quite enraptured with this woman. </p><p>     "Your crimes are serious Lady Rose. Yet your claims of abuse and suffering at the hands of the red lyrium dealers is also quite serious. Answer me this; did you truly fear for your life,  so much that you made no attempt to leave?"</p><p>     Rose wanted to remain silent, to withdrawal into herself and let it be over with. But she'd made Cullen a promise and his golden stare had burned her to the core. She would fight for her life today.</p><p>     "I never said I made no attempt to flee. I did one month after arriving at the lyrium encampment. When I discovered the true operations, I tried to escape. I was swiftly caught and punished."</p><p>     "Punished, how so?"</p><p>     "I was beaten to the point of unconsciousness by my brother. When I woke, I was caged and deprived of food and water for 3 days. I was left exposed to the elements with open wounds that I was forbidden to heal. I still bare the scars as proof."</p><p>     Cullen cringed as her words were firmly spoke to the Inquisitor. Her voice was strong and did not waiver. He also felt a slight relief that she was actually <em>trying </em>to fight for her innocence. </p><p>     "Your execution of the slaves-" </p><p>"-we end the lives of animals all the time when they are suffering and there is no cure. These people would have been thrown into a cage while red lyrium infiltrated their bodies, bursting from their skin in sharp shards. I saw the suffering of those whose bodies were used to grow lyrium. It is a fate I wish on no one. I kept them from suffering that fate." </p><p>     Maxwell let out a long exhale. "It seems Commander Cullen is able to collaborate at least some of your claims of being held against your will  and he has taken an active defense on your account. His judgement has never steered me to the wrong decision."</p><p>     Cullen felt a surge of suspense. Would the Inquisitor's statement follow with a "but"? Or would he release her?</p><p>     Maxwell straightened in his chair. </p><p>"I spent hours pouring over your confession and in discussions with the Commander. I prayed to Andraste for guidance. It seems Lady Rose, that you were as much a victim as the others who were enslaved. I believe that your offer to work for the Inquisition will be adequate atonement for your actions. Although, you felt you were doing what was necessary,  you still took the lives of others. Pray for forgiveness from the Maker  and may you find peace through your work with the Inquisition."</p><p>     The crowd murmured  some in approval some in disapproval at the judgement. Cullen felt an immediate relief wash over him like a wave from the Waking Sea. He had to fight to keep his expression neutral. To not let the smile that was threatening to spread across his face show itself. </p><p>     "Thank you Inquisitor." She said,  sounding as if she was in shock. "I'd heard you were merciful,  but I did not expect this." </p><p>     Maxwell went to stand, but then paused before he did as a thought occurred to him.</p><p>     "One last question Lady Rose.... you told Sister Nightingale you would only give your full name to me. So.... what is it?" He interwined his fingers in front of his chest. Cullen was curious to hear her response.</p><p>     He could hear her take a long steadying breath. </p><p>"I am afraid I was not completely forth coming to your Commander or Spymaster. Rose is my middle name. My brother,  wanting to hide my identity,  made me go by Rose."</p><p>     Maxwell furrowed his brows, "why did he wish to hide your identity?"</p><p>     "I was given different reasons, but the real reason, I only discovered recently myself. He wanted to hide me from you."</p><p>     Her hands went to her hood and pulled it down as she raised her head. Her gray gaze meeting Maxwell's shocked and matching gray eyes.</p><p>     He stood from the throne, his mouth slightly agape.</p><p>     "Evelyn?"</p><p>Cullen looked between them in confusion. What was happening?</p><p>     Rose smiled softly at the Inquisitor.</p><p>     "Hello little brother."</p><p>     </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. Professional sacrifices</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>      The next few moments passed in a whirlwind of gasps, murmurs, and excited conversations. </p><p>     Leliana's agents swooped up the Inquisitor and his sister almost immediately and ushered them into the war room. Leliana whispered harshly from behind Cullen,</p><p>    "War room NOW."</p><p>     He followed in a daze and the crowd became a muffled far away chatter. When he got into the war room, Maxwell was embracing Rose-no, <em>Evelyn, </em>and he appeared to have tears in his eyes.</p><p>     "By Andraste we've searched everywhere for you. I can't believe Edward did this. I will gut him like a fucking pig for what he put you through!" He squeezed her harder and then let her go, trying to regain his compsure.</p><p>     "Edward always had his problems. A darkness about him more like it. When father named you as his heir and gave Edward his part of the inheritance to be rid of him, he truly slipped into the underbelly of society." She replied, as Maxwell paced up and down the room.</p><p>     "But how did he get involved with this?" He asked exasperated. </p><p>     "He squandered his inheritance within a matter of months on alcohol and gambling. He was approached by men of Samson's. He quickly rose up the ranks and soon was working beneath Samson himself."</p><p>     "Is he.... Maker is he taking red lyrium?" He asked in an almost frightened tone.</p><p>     Evelyn swallowed hard, "he started two months ago at Samson's request. He believes it will make Edward stronger. "</p><p>     Cullen's hand gripped the pommel of his sword so tightly his fingers went numb. Samson was corrupting men and women all over Thedas. How had he fall so far from the man he'd known in Kirkwall?</p><p>     Leliana finally spoke,  her tone sharp as her annoyance was on display. </p><p>     "Why did you not tell us who you were? Why go through all of that out there?" She pointed her hand towards the main hall.</p><p>     Evelyn seemed unphased by the Spymaster's clipped tone.</p><p>"I wanted a fair trial and judgement. And I received it. Besides, how would it have looked for the Inquisition if people thought I was given a lenient sentence because of my ties to Maxwell? Now everyone knows that I was granted mercy <em>before </em>my identity was revealed." </p><p>     Leliana arched a brow. Josephine smirked. "It was quite clever Leliana. " She remarked.</p><p>     Evelyn slowly turned her gaze to Cullen, who had remained silent. His gaze was focused straight ahead as he processed all of the information being tossed about.</p><p>     "Commander..." she began softly. His eyes met her's and she saw a pained look cross his amber orbs.</p><p>     "I am sorry for the secrecy. I can tell you so much about Samson's operations and the red lyrium mining. I hope you can trust me enough to allow me to help." </p><p>     "Any help in capturing Samson is welcome Lady Trevelyan." His tone was more clipped than he'd intended. The use of 'Lady Trevelyan ' made her visibly flinch. </p><p>     Her saddened gaze made it's way back to the war table.</p><p>     Leliana, now cooled off and a bit impressed with Evelyn's plan of her identity reveal, chimed in.</p><p>     "I would recommend your position in the Inquisition be the lead agent of the Commander.  You can work alongside him in finding Samson."</p><p>     Maxwell nodded, "yes, your knowledge on red lyrium sources and their mining operations should fill in the gaps we've been blind to. What say you Commander?"</p><p>     Cullen felt his heart race at the thought. Yet his mind chastised him. <em>She is only concerned with capturing Samson, it has nothing to do with you you blasted fool.</em></p><p>He nodded, "I would be honored to have your assistance Lady Trevelyan. " He said with a subtle bow of his head.</p><p>     She tried to muster a smile and she returned the gesture with a nod of her head. <em>He will never trust you now. He'll never look at you the same. </em></p><p>     "Alright! Evelyn,  I will see you at dinner. We've so much to catch up on." Maxwell said cheerfully. </p><p>     Cullen turned to face her. "Josephine can show you my office when you're ready." He turned on his boot and left the room.</p><hr/><p>       She had been given a tour of Skyhold, a room with new clothing, and was able to take a bath. Josephine had been incredibly kind and welcoming she ended their day together at Cullen's door. Josephine sighed and turned to Evelyn.</p><p>     "He's a good man, the Commander. But he's Fereldan through and through. Don't mind his gruff disposition. " She smiled, kissed Evelyn on the cheek and left her in front of the large oak door.</p><p>     She took a deep breath and knocked. </p><p>"Enter" a deep voice answered from the other side.</p><p>     She opened the door and stepped in. He sat behind his desk, stacks of papers piled all over, a quill and ink holder sitting off to the side.</p><p>     "Ah, Lady Trevelyan.  Come in." He stood and began clearing a space on the right side of his desk. </p><p>     "You'll be sharing an office with me for the time being. I will need you here as much as possible as I go over maps, mining locations, and troop movements. I've asked Josephine to provide you your own small desk and chair. It will be a few days before the order arrives of course." </p><p>     She walked in front of him and placed a hand on his forearm, halting his movement. </p><p>     "Please call me Evelyn. Or Evie. It's what my friends called me in the circle." </p><p>     Cullen felt the warmth of her hand and his breathing became shallow. She smelled faintly of her favorite lavender and sea salt soap. But it was different between them now. She was the Inquisitor's <em>sister. </em></p><p>     "I'm afraid.... given our professional arrangement....and the fact that you are Inquisitor Trevelyan's sister....  it would... ah.... be.....<em>inappropriate. </em>" He coughed as he rubbed the back of his neck. </p><p>     She withdrew her hand as if stung. Her cheeks reddened with embarrassment. </p><p>     He felt terrible. But it had to be this way. He had no business entertaining the idea of something more than a strictly professional relationship with a noble woman. And the sister of his boss no less.</p><p>     "I understand. Forgive my <em>inappropriate </em>request." Her words were curt and snappy. He knew he'd hurt her feelings. </p><p>     "If you'd like to begin writing your reports on everything you know off the top of your head about Samson and the lyrium mining... I think it'd be the best way to start." He pushed a stack of blank parchment and the ink and quill towards the cleared space on his desk. </p><p>     He pulled up a small wooden stool for her to sit on. </p><p>     She didn't speak a word. She simply sat down and began writing.</p><p>     She wrote for hours, well until the candles were low and the moon was high in the night sky.</p><p>     "That's all for tonight. Goodnight Commander. " She said shortly as she stood and left the room without even a glance in his direction.</p><p>     He sighed as he looked at her empty stool and inhaled the lavender scent she left behind. </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0014"><h2>14. Go For It</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Some solid advice from our favorite dwarf.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>     The next few days were much of the same. Evelyn would come into his office quiet, offer a simple,  "Good morning Commander ". She took her seat on the small wooden stool and began writing. When she would finish a page, she'd hand it to Cullen, who would read it and perhaps inquire about certain details. He'd make notations on his own maps, then send it off to Leliana. </p><p>     She wrote nonstop for hours. Her information seemingly endless. Cullen would steal glances every now and then despite trying hard to distance himself. He noticed how she bit at her cheek when trying to think of a word, or how she would stretch almost cat like to soothe her aching back. </p><p>     He watched in amusement how her untamed waves would annoy her as they fell in front of her face, refusing to stay put when she tried placing her hair in a bun. </p><p>     She was mind bending beautiful. </p><p>"I'm finished. It's everything I can remember. " She sighed on the third evening. She was exhausted,  the mental strain of remembering her time with the lyrium dealers had taken It's toll.</p><p>     "You've gone above and beyond what I had expected. The information you provided is priceless. Tomorrow we will begin making plans for troop movements in some of the lyrium mining locations. I'd appreciate your input." </p><p>     She rubbed at her forehead, "of course Commander. " She replied dully. </p><p>     She hadn't looked him in the eyes since that initial office visit. He was surprised at how much it bothered him. He'd only known her a short while, but the connection he had made with her was powerful. More powerful than he'd realized.</p><p>     She stood to leave and before he thought about what he was doing he called out to her.</p><p>     "Eve- Lady Trevelyan....." he rubbed at his neck awkwardly. </p><p>     "Yes?" She turned and asked with an arch of her brow. His mouth felt dry as he saw her pale gray eyes for the first time in days. </p><p>     "Uh... how have you been enjoying Skyhold?" He finally fumbled out. </p><p>     She shifted her weight to her left foot and crossed her arms. "I've been enjoying it well enough. A warm bed, hot meals... but I find the amount of Orlesian nobility running about disturbing." She answered dryly. </p><p>     Cullen chuckled, "you and I both. Have you made any friends?"</p><p>     "There's a Tevinter mage who won't leave me alone. He always seems to find me, but he always brings wine with him so I've come to enjoy his company, and his sarcasm." </p><p>     "Ah yes, Dorian. He doesn't try to befriend many, so he must like you."</p><p>     Her brows raised and lowered in response. </p><p>     "Well, I.... just wanted to make sure you were comfortable..." he said, his awkwardness quickly returning.</p><p>     "I am. Thank you." They stared at one another for several breaths. Both not sure what to say,  but not wanting the conversation to end.</p><p>     Finally Evelyn spoke, "well, have a goodnight Commander. "</p><p>     "You as well my lady..." he murmured.  She quietly shut his door behind her. </p><hr/><p>     "Curly, you seem tenser than usual. What's got your goat? Or lion or whatever that is on your cloak."</p><p>     Cullen sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose.   The damn dwarf could read him like book. It was irritating. He couldn't walk past his usual post near the fire without Varric stopping him to comment on or question one thing or another.</p><p>     "Just tired Varric. I've been working hard on this new information about Samson. It's a lot to shift through. "</p><p>     Varric sat down his quill and pursed his lips.</p><p>"That's right... working with the Inquisitor's sis now huh? She's quite the stunner. Maybe you could finally land a girlfriend Curly?" </p><p>     Cullen felt himself blushing. </p><p>"As the Inquisitor's sister, it would be inappropriate. " he replied as he shuffled from foot to foot.</p><p>     "You're the Commander of the Inquisition.  You are second in power. If you can't be with her, who can?" Varric responded as he folded his hands over his broad chest.</p><p>     Cullen didn't know how to answer. He hadn't thought of it that way.</p><p>     "Well she is nobility. I am not." He retorted.</p><p>"She's also a mage, most nobility shuns marrying a mage." Varric responded smoothly without missing a beat.</p><p>     "Look Curly, I'm not stupid. I've seen the way you look at her when you think nobody is looking. You deserve to be happy. I say go for it."</p><p>     Cullen rubbed his neck and nodded. "Thank you Varric." </p><p>     He thought on the dwarf's words all morning. During the war meeting, all he could see was her eyes and the way she tilted her head when thinking. </p><p>     <em>Go for it.</em></p><p>The words ringing in his head again and again.</p><hr/><p>     As Cullen walked by the sparring ring, he noticed a small crowd had gathered around the ring cheering on whoever was in the match. </p><p>     "She's almost got him! 5 more shillings on Evelyn!" The Iron Bull bellowed. </p><p>     <em>Evelyn?!</em></p><p>     Cullen pushed his way through the small crowd just in time to see Evelyn land a kick to the recruit's abdomen  sending him flying backwards. She pounced atop him, bringing her practice dagger to his throat. The crowd erupted in cheers. </p><p>     "That's the third recruit she's bested out here " Bull commented as Cullen looked on in surprise. </p><p>     He felt a firm nudge on his shoulder. "Maybe the Commander could best her?" Bull asked with a wink.</p><p>     Maybe it was Varric's words still ringing in his ears, or maybe it was the sight of Evelyn in nothing but her breastband,  trousers and boots, shining with sweat and flushed from exertion. But he was marching into the ring before he could think twice. </p><p>     "Lady Trevelyan,  you've bested my recruits,  care to challenge yourself against a seasoned veteran?"</p><p>     She arched a brow and a ghost of a smirk played on her lips. "I accept your challenge Commander. Sometimes 'seasoned veteran ' simply means 'old'." She replied dryly as she began circling him.</p><p>     He removed his mantle and smirked devilishly, "careful Trevelyan".</p><p>     "<em>Trevelyan </em>is it? No 'Lady' in front? How <em>inappropriate </em>of you." </p><p>     His smirk continued as he pulled off his armor,  and then finally his shirt, revealing his toned and perfect torso. Her eyes widened just enough to make Cullen feel smug as he lowered his head and gazed up at her through his lashes.</p><p>     "Perhaps I shouldn't worry so much about what's appropriate and what isn't. Are you ready?</p><p>     She stepped into her fight stance and smugly smirked back at him. </p><p>     "Always."</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0015"><h2>15. Scorned Lover</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>     They circled one another, neither wanting to make the initial move. Evelyn grew impatient first and lunged at him, dropping her level so that her daggers aimed for his stomach. </p><p>     He easily circled away from the attack, stepping to her right and landing a blow to her ribs.</p><p>     She quickly countered with it by hitting his cheek with the handle of her practice blade and then circling away. </p><p>     He rubbed at his face with his free hand, impressed by her strength.</p><p>     "Not bad..... for a noble woman."</p><p>     She snarled and lunged again swinging up high, Cullen barely blocking her daggers and then pushing them away, swinging his long sword with crisp and swift attacks. She was on the defense now, backing up and trying to circle away. But he cornered her everytime and soon, she'd be up against the railing of the sparring ring.</p><p>     She tried to move forward in desperation but was quickly shoved into the railing, Cullen's body pressing her against the fencing. Her daggers forming an X and barely holding Cullen's long sword back. </p><p>     "Care to yield?" He asked as his face was only  mere inches from her's. She brought her lips so that they were only a whisper away.</p><p>     "You'll have to try harder than that Commander." She murmured,  the faint scent of sweet wine on her breath. </p><p>     She threw a knee into his groin, buckling him and causing him to groan. She scrambled away from the railing as he growled and rounded on her.</p><p>     "<em>That </em>was dirty fighting Trevelyan. " </p><p>     She smiled, an open mouthed and glittering smile that took his breath away.</p><p>     "There's no clean fighting in the field. A hit is a hit!" </p><p>     He readied himself as she lunged towards him once more. He anticipated it and used her momentum to throw her over, rolling them both to the ground, he on top.</p><p>     He abandoned his sword and instead pinned her hands above her head. "Yield?"</p><p>     She breathed heavily and her chest heaved up and down. Her lips parted as she tried to catch her breath. The crowd cheered but they sounded a million miles away. All he felt was her body beneath him, and all he heard was the sound of her soft panting.</p><p>     "I yield Commander. "</p><p>     He smiled as he stood and pulled her up by her hands to stand on her feet.</p><p>     "Since I have won, I have a small request."</p><p>     She tilted her head and looked at him quizzically. "Alright... name it."</p><p>     "Forget my stupidity. Call me Cullen." He stated simply, his eyes silently pleading to her. It was a small request but one that could reestablish their relationship,  whatever it may be. </p><p>     She smiled again and laughed in her soft breathy tone. He stared at her as if she was the Sun. </p><p>     "Only if you call me Evelyn." She replied.</p><p>     "No. But I can call you Evie." He said with a small smile. </p><p>     She nodded as she grinned up at him, her eyes shyly glancing to the ground and they turned to the cheering crowd and bowed to their adoring audience.</p><p>     In the excitement,  a lone woman stood frowning at the display. Her red hair bound tightly behind her, and her armor gleaming in the sunlight. </p><p>   </p><hr/><p>     That evening, they had returned to his office and were deep in their work. They discussed possible locations of the patrols of the lyrium mines, when to attack, and how.</p><p>     Evelyn gave as much information as she could as what to expect. </p><p>     "I should go. I can help lead Maxwell and his group to the mines."</p><p>     Cullen frowned, "I don't know if that's a good idea.... you'd be put directly in harms way again. You risk recapture."</p><p>     "I want nothing more than to see these operations ended and those responsible punished. I will be a great asset. You know this." She replied.</p><p>     He sighed as he rubbed at his temples. A headache had been pounding since dinner and seemed to only grow worse by the minute.</p><p>     "We'll speak with your brother. It's his call." He finally responded. She nodded and continued her notations on the map.</p><p>     A sudden slam of his door made both he and Evelyn jump.</p><p>     Lisette stood in the doorway with a small box, her gaze narrowing when it caught sight of Evelyn. </p><p>     Cullen looked up from his desk in surprise. </p><p>     "Lisette, what brings you here?" He asked.</p><p>     Her head snapped to where he sat and she sneered. "Really? That's not a question you ever asked me before when I've come to visit late at night."</p><p>     He coughed and shifted uncomfortably in his chair. He didn't fail to notice Evelyn's brows raise in surprise. </p><p>     Lisette walked over and slammed the small box onto his desk.</p><p>     "I may not be apart of the Inquisitor's inner circle, or an advisor, but I am no <em>fool. </em>It would seem this woman has bewitched you all but not me."</p><p>     Cullen scrunched his brows, "what are you talking about?"</p><p>     "She's a fucking <em>mage. </em>She worked for red lyrium dealers. What if she attacked you hhmmm? You couldn't possibly have enough lyrium left in your blood to counter attack."</p><p>     She ripped open the top of the box and pulled out one of the blue vials. "You have to take this Cullen. For your protection!"</p><p>     Cullen sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. "Not this again Lisette. I am not taking it. Evelyn is not working for the lyrium dealers. She works for us."</p><p>     "How do you know this isn't an elaborate ploy to get on the inside of the Inquisition?! You must be ready for any possibility,  even if it comes in a pretty package." She spat. </p><p>     Evelyn leaned against the desk as she said, "I don't expect you to trust me, but please respect the Inquisitor's decision on this matter."</p><p>     "You mean your <em>brother's </em>decision? Oh yes, I really trust he made an unbiased choice there."</p><p>     "He didn't know who I was when he made his judgement. "</p><p>     "Yes, another deception on your part wasn't it? If you so much as lay a finger on Cullen...." Lisette took a step towards Evelyn.</p><p>     "What? You'll cleanse my magic? I don't need magic to fight you..." Evelyn said lowly as she withdrew her daggers and spun them around her nimble fingers. </p><p>     "You little bitch...." Lisette replied as she withdrew her long sword.</p><p>     Cullen's fist came crashing down to his desk.</p><p>      "That is <em>enough!" </em>Both women froze but wouldn't take their gaze off each other.</p><p>     "Lisette, outside NOW." He growled.</p><p>     She nodded and followed him outside the door, shutting it behind him.</p><p>     She stared up at him, angry and flushed.</p><p>"I don't trust her Cullen. She's already coming between us. You need to take the lyrium so you can fight her when she reveals her true reason for being here."</p><p>     Cullen scoffed, "you have to be joking. First of all, US? Lisette we are not a couple. Second, I am aware of what her past is and I trust her completely. "</p><p>     She bit her lip and sniffed. "Very well, but if she crosses you....-"</p><p>     "No. I won't hear your threats. You are to leave her alone, do you understand?"</p><p>     "Very well. You're on your own Commander. " She turned and stormed off down the battlements.</p><p>     Cullen walked back in to find Evelyn examining the box.</p><p>     "So you've stopped taking lyrium?" She asked as she looked up at him with a tilt of her head. </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0016"><h2>16. Brush</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>     Cullen's eyes squeezed shut. <em>Damn Lisette. </em>He thought wearily. He wasn't prepared for this conversation. Although he never was prepared to talk about it. </p><p>     "It's alright Cullen.... you don't have to explain. " She said softly. </p><p>     "No its ok...." he started as he made his way to the desk. </p><p>     "I stopped taking lyrium some time ago now." He said with a sigh.</p><p>     "That must have been very difficult. May I ask why?" She asked in a gentle tone as her head tilted to one side and her brow scrunched together. </p><p>     "I am no longer a Templar. I no longer serve the Chantry. I mean that in every sense. I will not remained chained to the Order."</p><p>     He looked saddened as his head lowered and his gaze dropped to the top of the desk. </p><p>     "You must think I'm foolish. " He mumbled. </p><p>    She took his hand in his and he was thankful he'd removed his gloves earlier. Her skin was warm and soft, her hand delicate in his own. </p><p>     "I think it's quite admirable actually. The amount of self-discipline and willpower it must take is astounding. You lead by example... such an honorable man." She said as she gently squeezed his hand.</p><p>     He had to swallow down the lump forming in his throat. Her words were reassuring and her approval meant more than he was willing to admit to himself. </p><p>     "I wasn't who I should've been while I was at Kirkwall. I have my own sins to atone for." He gave her a pointed look that he hoped conveyed <em>I understand you and your guilt.  </em></p><p>     She held his gaze for several moments. "Were you always at Kirkwall?"</p><p>     He stiffened but tried to not show his discomfort. "No... My first post was at Kinloch. It was taken over by blood mages.... " he stopped before he could finish. He couldn't speak of Kinloch. His body literally began trembling and he immediately shook off the memories that always lurked at the edges of his mind. </p><p>     "I heard of Kinloch.... there was only one surviving Templar....." his eyes stared straight ahead, dark and far away. She realized who that Templar was.</p><p>     "Maker.... it was you.... forgive me for prying." She immediately shut the lid of the lyrium box. </p><p>     "Would you like me to take this? I can give it to the Templars that are here, or even the mages."</p><p>      His jaw still clenched tightly shut, he gave a slow nod of 'yes'. </p><p>      Before she turned and walked away she gave him a hopeful gaze. "Perhaps we will help each other atone?"</p><p>     His expression softened and he felt his muscles relax. "I'd like that." He replied softly.</p><p>     She smiled faintly and left the office with the box of vials. He felt an immediate emptiness. And it wasn't because he missed the lyrium vials.</p><p>     Her absence left him feeling incomplete. </p><hr/><p>     "I think her assistance would be quite helpful in the field Inquisitor. Stopping the mining operations in the Hinterlands would be a sort of practice run before heading to Empress De Lion." Leliana said confidently. </p><p>     Maxwell was frowning almost as much as Cullen. "I'm not crazy about sending my sister back into the lion's den so soon." He replied. </p><p>     "I'll be with you Maxwell. Dorian as well. I feel that I will be well equipped to handle sticky situations." Evelyn said in her low tone.</p><p>     Maxwell turned to Cullen, "what are your thoughts Commander?"</p><p>     Cullen cursed his close relationship with Maxwell at the moment. He would take what he said to heart and he knew it. He wanted Evelyn safely within the walls of Skyhold. But he had to leave his personal feelings out of official business. </p><p>     "I agree that she would be a valuable addition to the outgoing party to the Hinterlands. However,  I am also hesitant to see her back in harms way..." he added rather softly.</p><p>     Maxwell gave a knowing look between Cullen and Evelyn. Leliana rolled her eyes, "well we certainly can't let personal opinion dictate Inquisition matters. If she were anyone else, both of you would be sending her to the Hinterlands on the fastest horse in Skyhold."</p><p>     Maxwell grunted and finally let out a long exhale. "Very well Evelyn. We leave tomorrow so gather any belongings you plan to take. Go over any information you have with the Commander. "</p><p>     Everyone left the war room, leaving Cullen and Evelyn behind. </p><p>     "I should reiterate I'm not crazy about this idea Evie. Are you so eager to leave my office?' He joked dryly.</p><p>    She huffed a soft laugh, "actually no, it's been the most comfortable place I've been in a long while. But I know my presence will increase our chances of success."</p><p>     She took a few steps towards him to stand face to face. "Thank you for your support in this."</p><p>     "I should be thanking you. You're information has helped us get this far. But don't get too comfortable in the field. I think I've grown to like our daily meetings. I might actually miss them...." he said with a smirk.</p><p>     She rolled her eyes and lifted on to her toes to reach her lips to his cheek. She pressed a soft kiss to his stubbled face and pulled back slowly. </p><p>     He let his lips linger just a whisper from hers for a moment, then he slowly and faintly brushed his lips against her's. Before he could dive into her lips for the full taste of her, the knob of the war room door began to jiggle and turn. </p><p>     They pulled away and immediately turned towards the war table, as if in deep discussion. </p><p>     "Evelyn I'd like you to help me write mother and father a letter about <em>you." </em>Maxwell grumbled. He'd put the letter off for some time,  but he needed it finished and out of his hair before he left. </p><p>     She turned and nodded. "Of course." Turning to Cullen she said in a breathless voice, "I'll see you soon Cullen...." He peered at her from under his lashes.</p><p>     "I look forward to it."</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0017"><h2>17. Armor Fitting</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>     "I would anticipate 15-20 men stationed at a mining outpost this size. They're not the most skilled fighters,  as you've seen yourself,  but their numbers and brute force make them a threat nonetheless. " Evelyn said as she watched Cullen mark his map as she spoke. It was late in the evening and she was leaving the next morning. </p><p>     "Keep your distance as much as you can, but be careful not to completely isolate yourself. I'd prefer you not engage these larger fighters...." Cullen added softly without taking his eyes off the map.</p><p>     He remembered their fight with the patrols the night they escaped together. She'd been gravely injured after engaging too closely with the patrols carrying larger weapons.</p><p>      "Stop worrying. I can handle myself just fine Commander. I may not have your skill set but most people don't have it either." She said dryly as she rolled her eyes.</p><p>     Before he could start giving a lecture,  the door to his office opened. A runner walked in with his arms full of clothing. "Lady Trevelyan,  the Inquisitor had this made for you today. Proper armor for the field." He sat it on the small sofa Cullen had delivered to his office a couple days prior. The runner left and quietly shut the door.</p><p>     "Proper field armor? What's wrong with my leathers?" She asked as she began inspecting the clothing. The pants were of a soft, flexible material and rather tight, almost like leggings. Her boots went above her knee but were also of a more flexible material than her heavy boots she was accustomed to wearing. The armor itself was made of a thin dragon scale that covered her from her waist to the base of her throat. It's sleeves reaching down to her wrists. </p><p>     "Dragon scale? Maxwell certainly spared no expense." Cullen remarked as he came beside her to inspect the new armor. </p><p>     "It's so thin!" She thought aloud.</p><p>Cullen chuckled, "it is. But it is the most protective material for armor you will find. Not many weapons can penetrate dragon scale."</p><p>     "How do I even put this on? " She asked as she fumbled the armor in her hands. Cullen watched in amusement for a few moments,  then decided he actually needed to help her. </p><p>     "Here, I'll show you. You'll need to remove your, ah, tunic.... I'll turn around. "</p><p>     She rolled her eyes, "it's not like you haven't seen me in just my breastband Cullen." She pulled her shirt over her head and turned her back to him as she lay it carefully over the sofa. For the first time, Cullen saw her scars up close. Long, white, jagged lines criss crossed across her back and her shoulders from where she'd been repeatedly whipped. The anger he felt boiling inside him threatened to spill over. He imagined what he would do to the men who did this and her brother who had most likely ordered it. But he said nothing,  not wanting to make her feel insecure. Because, Maker, she was beautiful and he would never want her to feel anything but that. </p><p>     She spun around and held her arms out. "Alright, suit me up Commander. " She said playfully. He grinned as he unbuckled the clasps on the side. They were hard to see as the scales were so uniform in their pattern, the buckles didn't stand out. </p><p>     He walked her through step by step, showing her how to wear the armor properly, explained why it was so effective for a fighter such as herself,  and that she'd have much more flexibility and movement with this piece. When he was finished, she looked at her reflection in the small mirror that sat on a side table next to the sofa. </p><p>     "Wow.... what a difference. " She said softly as she inpected herself. </p><p>     "Special requests for armor from the Inquisitor are taken very serious. I feel much better knowing you'll be wearing this." </p><p>     She smiled softly and then turned back around to face him. "Is it alright if I write to you? You know.... to help pass the time when we're at camp..." she bit her cheek nervously as if afraid he would reject such frivolous activities. </p><p>     "I would like that very much actually. " He said lowly with a small grin. Her smile spread even further and she nodded. "Well I guess I'll see you in a week or two? Thank you for your help." She said as she removed the armor and pulled her tunic back on. Cullen felt a stab of panic. He didn't want her to leave. Not for so long. He wished he could make this evening with her last an eternity.</p><p>     She turned to him again, as if waiting for him to say something, no, <em>do something. </em></p><p><em>     Kiss her you blighted fool. </em>He thought to himself. But his body wouldn't cooperate,  still feeling the pangs of insecurity that haunted him. She finally gave him a nod and softly said, "I'll see you later Cullen." She slowly turned to pick up her new armor. </p><p> </p><p>     Cullen's body suddenly woke up to her leaving. Without thinking,  he firmly grabbed her arm and spun her around. She let out a small gasp of surprise but nothing more. His lips crashed against her's,  desperate and needing. Her whole body melted against his as she softly moaned into his mouth. Cullen felt his thoughts whirling in his head, nothing making sense. A dizzying flush spread through his body and the whole world fell away in that moment. </p><p>     One hand cupped her cheek while the other firmly gripped her waist. Her hands wrapped around his neck. When they finally pulled away, they gazed at one another,  breathless, and their lips red and puffy. </p><p>     "Write me as often as you can. Return to me as quickly as you can." He breathed.</p><p>     She smiled wide and nodded her head. She let her hands around his neck go, and she walked away with her armor.</p><p>She felt as if she was walking on air. </p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0018"><h2>18. Letter from the Hinterlands</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>Cullen,</em>
</p><p>
  <em>     So far the most interesting thing that's happened on this journey, is Varric carrying a lit torch and a small ember falling on his chest. He screamed about his chest hair and was greatly disappointed when he saw that the hair had been singed. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>     We have reached the furthest Inquisition outpost in the Hinterlands and we are currently making camp within it's protected borders. Tomorrow we attack the mining post. I feel that's all I've heard about for the last 6 hours. Planning,  strategy,  situational scenarios.... </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>     I had a nightmare that I was back with Edward and his men. He was completely twisted and disformed from red lyrium. The scariest part of the nightmare was waking and knowing that what I saw was what he is becoming. It's only a matter of time before the lyrium takes him completely. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>     Despite all that he's done, he is my brother, and he at one time had a lot of good in him, even if he was troubled. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>     Did you know Maxwell likes to sing? He tries to act like he's a big tough man while he swings his great sword around, but I caught him singing yesterday when he thought nobody was around. It was a love song and let me tell you, he can reach all of the high notes. Don't tell him I told you....</em>
</p><p>
  <em>     I've actually had a lot of fun on this journey. My life was so dull and pointless in the circle. Then it was dark and frightening with Edward. I've now experienced traveling with the company of friends. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>     What I am most grateful for however,  is the great stroke I had when I met you. Before you arrived at that encampment,  I was on the brink of ending everything. You gave me a reason to escape and to fight. You've reminded me that there are still good people in this world. You're also incredibly handsome, which is an added bonus. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>     I suppose I'm writing all of this because of what tomorrow holds. Maxwell assures me that all will be fine and that he's been in far more dangerous situations. Dorian promises to be by my side no matter what. Cassandra just grunts but she patted my back  and I think that was her way of reassuring me. Varric makes light of anything and everything,  except for his burnt chest hair. He was quite distraught and serious about that.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>     Perhaps I'm being dramatic,  but should something unthinkable happen, know that you have been an absolute dream. Even if your mantle is very Orlesian. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>-Evelyn Rose</em>
</p><p>
  
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0019"><h2>19. Cleared</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Descriptions of Violence</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>     "There has to be another way to get them out in the open." Maxwell hissed as he and his companions remained crouched behind a group of boulders. They were perched on a hill just to the side of a mine entrance debating back and forth who should be the sacrificial lamb and run ahead of them to create a distraction. </p><p>     Cassandra snorted. "We need someone <em>fast. </em>I'm not sure if I've <em>ever </em>seen Dorian run and although  Varric tries is best, his legs can only get him so far. "</p><p>     "I heard that Seeker. "</p><p>     "I wasn't trying to hide it from you <em>Varric.</em>" She retorted dryly. </p><p>     She made a pointed look at Maxwell. "You and I have to fight off the bulk of these men. Plus our armor is too heavy for swift running. That leaves Evelyn. She's fast, sharp, and some of the men may recognize her,  making her that much more of a lure."</p><p>     Evelyn's lips were pressed into a thin, determined line as she gave a curt nod in agreement. "Even if they catch up with me, Dorian and Varric will remain here and will be able to attack from a distance. I'm not exactly helpless either brother. " She said.</p><p>     Maxwell frowned but finally nodded in agreement. "Very well. You run with everything you have. Keep your protective barrier up. Dorian and Varric will attack the one's who are tailing you. We'll take care of the rest."</p><p>     The group all prepared themselves and Evelyn took a deep, steadying breath. She quietly said a silent 'thank you' for her new armor that was fitted and light. </p><p>     "Ready?" Cassandra asked.</p><p>     Evelyn pulled out her daggers, "<em>ready."</em></p><hr/><p>     She stood in front of the entrance to the mine, she'd already taken out the two patrols who stood on the outside. She backed up several feet away and stretched out her arms that held her daggers that were now caked in fresh blood. </p><p>     "Where is Edward?! Tell him I've come for his fucking head!" She roared.</p><p>     Maxwell nearly fell from the hillside. "She's a damn lunatic! Come on Cassandra!" He growled. They bolted down the hill as quickly as their heavy armor would allow.</p><p>     Evelyn smirked darkly as multiple patrols and guards began creeping out of the mouth of the mine. One greeted her with sarcastic cheer.</p><p>     "We knew you'd still be alive Rose!"</p><p>     He stopped at the entrance, leaving the wide distance between them. </p><p>     "Edward tells me he suspects you escaped with the Commander of the Inquisition. That was a big mistake sweetheart."</p><p>    She smiled sweetly, "I don't think your dead patrols think I'm much of a sweetheart."</p><p>     He frowned as he examined the dead men that lay on the ground. "I'd heard you could be ruthless. How easily you betray the men you worked alongside. "</p><p>     "I never worked <em>alongside </em>any of them. I was <em>forced." </em>She hissed.</p><p>     "Hmmmmm. Perhaps that is a matter of perspective? Either way, we know the Commander is back with the Inquisition,  we guessed you went with him. You know who the Inquisitor is yes?"</p><p>     She twirled her daggers and snarled. "You mean my <em>brother? </em>Yes, I'm aware, no thanks to Edward. We're coming for him and everything that he has built. It's only a matter of time."</p><p>     The man took a single step closer. "See, I've been told to bring you back if I see you. Dead or alive. We're all under the same orders.  Now, we can do this the easy way, or the fun way."</p><p>     Black billowing smoke rolled off her hands and daggers. She tossed one into the air to free her hand as she shot a fireball into the group of men. The leader dogged it, and it hit the man behind him. She caught her dagger before it hit the earth. Then she ran.</p><p>     Her feet hit the earth softly and fast. As soon as one foot barely grazed the earth, it was up again. She pushed her legs until they ached and burned. She could hear the sounds of swords clashing, Cassandra's battle roar, Maxwell's shouts and orders to Varric and Dorian. </p><p>     Still she ran, afraid that if she took a moment to turn around, it would be all her stalkers would need to grab her.</p><p>     <em>Run, Run, Run. Faster, Move Faster.</em></p><p>Her mind willed her forward and forward. </p><p>     Her legs eventually felt as if they were moving through mud and although her mind ordered her to <em>move, </em>her body was no longer willing to cooperate. </p><p>     Finally,  she had to stop, her protective barriers fully up, she turned around to face her attackers.</p><p>     She was shocked to see no one. </p><p>     Instead, a bloody path of bodies lay behind her. Cassandra and Maxwell were in the distance, wiping their brows and swords clean of the blood they had spilled.</p><p>     Varric and Dorian were slowly making their way down the mountain, Varric waving at her.</p><p>     "Hey Secret! They're all dead now! Andraste's ass, can you RUN!" Varric shouted with a peppy smile across his face.</p><p>     She gulped in the fresh air as deeply as her lungs would allow and she slumped to the ground in exhaustion. </p><p>      They did it. They'd successfully cleared the mine. It was a first of many. But the satisfaction of bringing just one down brought a small smile to her face. </p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0020"><h2>20. Relationships</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Slightly NSFW, mentions of sexual encounters.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>Evelyn,</em>
</p><p>
  <em>My office has been much quieter without you around. Although, you don't talk much when you are here. Your presence has become something of a comfort and something that I certainly miss. The room felt colder as soon as I saw you off from Skyhold. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Everyday,  our scouts are bringing us news of Samson's operations. I feel we are very close to bringing an end to all of this red lyrium madness.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I know you are in safe hands with your present company. As they are with you. I do find myself lying awake with worry despite this knowledge. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Please be careful. I look forward to.your return.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>-Cullen</em>
</p><hr/><p>     "None of what you did was part of the plan Evelyn." Maxwell grunted as they made their way back to camp. </p><p>     "That's not entirely true. Running was most definitely part of the plan." Dorian chimed in.</p><p>     "I'm sorry I worried you Maxwell but I wanted to make sure we lured every last one out. It worked didn't it?"</p><p>     Maxwell only grunted again but didn't make any further argument. </p><p>     A scout jogged up to the returning group with a handful of letters and reports.</p><p>     "Inquisitor,  several reports for you Ser, along with a message from your advisors." He handed the sealed parchments over to Maxwell. </p><p>     To his surprise,  the scout turned to Evelyn. "Lady Trevelyan,  a letter from the Commander arrived for you as well."</p><p>     Varric gave a low whistle and Dorian twisted the end of his moustache with a mischievous twinkle in his eye. Cassandra's brow raised and a small smirk played on her lips.</p><p>     Evelyn blushed slightly and took the letter. Maxwell turned to her and asked, "why is the Commander sending you letters?"</p><p>     She tucked it into her pocket and met her brother's stern glare.</p><p>     "That is none of your concern. " She simply said.</p><p>"You're my sister, he commands my armies.... I'm the only who <em>should </em>be entitled to concern." He replied with a huff.</p><p>     "It's nothing Maxwell. Probably just an update on red lyrium movements. And even if it wasn't,  why would it matter?"</p><p>     "Maker's ass I just want to be kept in the loop that's all. If I wanted to be sassed by a woman I'd speak with Cassandra. "</p><p>     Cassandra snorted and walked towards her tent. </p><p>   </p><p>     That evening, Maxwell watched across the campfire as Evelyn removed the letter from her pocket and carefully opened the sealed parchment. </p><p>     Her eyes darting from left to right again and again. A ghost of a smile creeping across her lips. She didn't smile often, Maxwell had noticed that early on. But now that he watched her read Cullen's letter,  he saw her face light up, her eyes seeming to come alive, and the slight upwards turn of the corners of her mouth. </p><p>     He found himself smiling as he watched her. Then he sighed. Wasn't Cullen involved in some degree with Lisette? He frowned. Evelyn didn't need a broken heart on top of everything else she'd been through. </p><p>     He scribbled on the blank parchment that he'd had sitting beside him on a flat rock. He didn't write much.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Commander, </em>
</p><p>
  <em>We need to talk. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>-Maxwell</em>
</p><hr/><p>     Cullen couldn't sleep. He never got much anyways,  but with Evie gone, it was worse. Everytime he closed his eyes,  visions of her meeting some horrible end would play in his mind.</p><p>     Or, the memory of her lips against his own. The way she tasted of sweet wine and whimpered into his mouth as he desperately tried to refrain from doing anything more than just kiss her.</p><p>     He sighed as he pulled himself from his bed and quickly dressed. Perhaps a walk would help him clear his mind enough to get a few hours sleep.</p><p>     Skyhold at night was his favorite. A few torches burned in the windows that were visibe from his side of the fortress. The tavern was completely lit up and he could faintly hear the sound of people singing and laughing.</p><p>     The battlements were lit with a blazing torch every 6 feet or so. The sky twinkled with stars in the crystal clear mountain sky.</p><p>     He took a cleansing deep breath and walked along the battlements. He felt his shoulders begin to relax and his worry began to ease. Then he heard a familiar voice from the top of the stairs.</p><p>     "Trouble sleeping Commander?" Lisette asked innocently as she leaned against the stone wall. </p><p>     Cullen rubbed the back of his neck and searched for the words that seemed to abandon him.</p><p>     "Lisette- ah, good evening, I mean night. What are you doing out here?"</p><p>     She gave him a scrupulous look, "it's my rotation for the night."</p><p>     Cullen's arm dropped and his hand reached for the pommel of his sword. </p><p>     "Right.... that, uh, makes sense."</p><p>     They stared at one another for several moments. Cullen was about to excuse himself but she spoke.</p><p>     "Have you considered what I told you in your office? About lyrium?" She asked in a matter of fact tone that could rival Cassandra's. </p><p>     "I'm not taking lyrium Lisette. There is nothing to consider. "</p><p>     She shook her head in apparent disappointment. </p><p>     "And what of us? Have you given no thought to that as well?"</p><p>     Cullen felt a flush of frustration. What did she want from him? He decided that was exactly what he needed to ask.</p><p>     "What is it exactly that you are wanting Lisette? We've..... had.... our private time together on and off for years. We've never spoke of relationships or a future. When I told you I was coming to Haven, I told you not to come. That you still had a passion for the Order and were a valuable asset to them. You said you wanted to follow because you believed in the Inquisition. "</p><p>     "I believed in <em>you." </em>She said as her face softened. </p><p>     "I thought what we had was perfect for us both. Let's face it Cullen. We're both married to our careers. There is no marriage or children in our futures. But together,  we had the best of both worlds. Our careers, and the physical touch that anyone would crave. We understand each other's worlds..... and needs."</p><p>She took a step forward,  her armor reflected the flames of the nearest torch. It's red fire matched her hair. She placed her hands on his chest and looked up to him with searching eyes.</p><p>     He grabbed her hands and gently lowered them. </p><p>     "When I was a Templar,  yes, our arrangement was ideal. But I am no longer a Templar and haven't been for some time. My life and future go beyond the duty of the Order and even the Inquisition. For the first time in my life, I <em>can </em>think of marriage and a family."</p><p>     Her eyes widened with hurt. She took a sharp step back. "I followed you across the Waking Sea just to have you turn your back on me as soon as a pretty girl crosses your path. Now you're thinking of marriage and babies? She's a <em>mage." </em>She hissed through gritted teeth.</p><p>     Cullen rubbed his face in exasperation. "Maker's breath Lisette,  I'm not saying I want to marry Evelyn,  Maker I am just beginning to get to know her! Stop making this about her!"</p><p>     "I will wait for you Cullen. You will miss our nights together. The feel of my body pressed against yours... my legs wrapped around you  begging for more.... You will tire of your new pet and you will come back to me. You are too ambitious to be a simple family man. You will see." She turned and marched down the stairs. </p><p>     Cullen stood in a daze. Maker what was happening? Never had he considered how deep Lisette's feeings ran for him. He didn't think there was any feelings but lust involved. A primal, physical need they both found release in with each other. But he'd never been great with women. </p><p>     He turned and made his way back to his tower. This walk had certainly been no help. </p><p>     Despite everything that had just transpired, his thoughts went straight back to pale gray eyes and the taste of sweet wine on her lips.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0021"><h2>21. Whip</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>WARNING: Descriptions of PTSD</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>Commander, </em>
</p><p>
  <em>     We need to talk.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>   -Maxwell</em>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>     Cullen frowned as he sat down the letter with more open space than words. It wasn't uncommon for Maxwell to send updates or even light hearted reports when he needed to vent about his companions to someone. On one occasion,  Maxwell decided to take Sera, Vivienne, and Cole with him on an excursion. The letters of distress Maxwell sent had Cullen roaring with laughter.</p><p>     So seeing such a curt and simple message set off alarm bells. Had something happened? Was it bad news? </p><p>     "Is he going to hurt her? She can't go through a heartbreak already. She's a woman on the edge." A faint voice murmured from the dark corner near Cullen's fireplace.</p><p>     <em>Cole </em></p><p>     Cullen sighed as he stood up and walked over to the strange boy in the large floppy hat.</p><p>     "Whom do you speak of?" Cullen asked, surprising himself at how gentle he sounded.</p><p>     "The one who wrote the words that trouble you." Cole responded simply.</p><p>     "Alright.... who is the woman?"</p><p>     "You know who she is. Pale gray eyes...striking and haunted.... like the fog that would creep over the lake near Honnleath....."</p><p>     Cullen felt a blush cross over his cheeks.</p><p>     "That will be all Cole. Get some sleep."</p><p>     "You don't seem to feel better...." the boy replied with a tilt of his head.</p><p>     Cullen pinched the bridge of his nose. "It isn't something you can help with."</p><p>     "He wants to protect her. Because he couldn't protect her before but now he can." Then suddenly the boy was gone and Cullen felt as if he'd just awoke from a dream. </p><p>     <em>Maker that boy is strange </em>he thought to himself as he settled back into his chair behind his desk. He rolled Cole's words around for a bit. Maxwell must have suspected something. Would he be angry? Cullen rubbed his face with his hands and decided to finish his reports. There was no sense in speculating. Maxwell would be returning in just a couple days. </p><hr/><p>     "I say Maxwell, do we always have to our tents side by side? You snore louder than a dragon and it keeps me awake!" Dorian pouted as Maxwell popped his tent up next to his.</p><p>     "It's the only way I can get some kind of revenge. You purposely drive me mad during the day, so I keep you awake.at night. Besides.... I'm sure you're up anyways writing another sonnet for Bull."  </p><p>     Dorian blushed and rolled his eyes as he scoffed dramatically,  "I do not write <em>sonnets </em>for anyone but myself as I am the only worthy of receiving such beautiful words." With a huff he went into his tent.</p><p>     Maxwell chuckled as he finished setting up his tent. Evelyn was also preparing her area and was quietly humming to herself. He remembered when they were small children, how she was always humming a soothing tune to herself,  lost in her head. </p><p>     He turned to Varric who was fidgeting with his crossbow. The string was twisted and giving him problems when firing his arrows.</p><p>     "Bianca is due for an old fashioned tune up when we get back to Skyhold." Varric muttered as he pulled hard on the string to free it from it's twisted constraints. The string snapped and flew sharply backwards creating a crack in the air like a whip striking its target.</p><p>     "Whoa! Glad that didn't catch my handsome face!" Varric called out. Maxwell shook his head as he chuckled.</p><p>     Varric's face went from amusement and surprise to worry. "Hey Secret. .... you ok?"</p><p>    Maxwell turned and saw Evelyn crouched on the ground  her head ducked and hidden under her hands, her back curled as if ready for impact. Her body quivered so violently,  Maxwell could see it shaking from across the camp. </p><p>     "Evelyn?!" He cried out as he sprinted to her side. Was she hurt? </p><p>     When he reached her, he placed a hand softly on her back and her body immediately recoiled from the touch.</p><p>     "NO NO NO!!! PLEASE!!" She begged, her words muffled by her hands that were firmly covering her face. </p><p>     Maxwell recognized what was happening. In Haven, he had a similar encounter with the Commander.... he shook himself from the memory and gently, <em>very gently, </em>he spoke.</p><p>     "Evie, it's Maxie.... you're safe... you are at our camp. You are alright..." he practically cooed.</p><p>     After several moments her hands began to lower and pale gray eyes that matched his own looked around bewildered and frightened. Slowly, her breathing began to regulate, her shaking ceased and her body relaxed.</p><p>     "I-I-I'm sorry..." she sputtered out.</p><p>     Maxwell shook his head fiercely. "You've nothing to apologize for. Just tell me what happened. " He added gently. </p><p>     "I thought I heard....." she took a shaky breath while her hand reached and grabbed at her upper back. "A whip." She shuddered and then stood.</p><p>     "I've embarrassed myself." She said darkly and angrily. "It won't happen again." She walked into her tent and didn't say another word.</p><p>     Maxwell debated following her and trying to make her see she had nothing to be embarrassed about. Finally he heard the wise voice of Varric behind him.</p><p>     "Let her rest Max. Somethings can't be worked out in one day." </p><p>     Maxwell nodded. He joined Varric by the fire.</p><p>     "I think the Commander is attracted to her."  Maxwell stated.</p><p>     Varric chuckled, "Well I <em>know </em>Curly's attracted to her." </p><p>     Maxwell looked up from the fire, "he told you?"</p><p>     Varric shook his head, "he'd never willingly tell me anything,  too afraid it'll end up in a book. Guess he's not wrong. I've known Curly a long time. Never seen him look at woman the way he does her." </p><p>     Maxwell scratched at his well groomed beard. "If you were her brother, what would you do?"</p><p>     Varric stopped tinkering with his crossbow and sat it down. "Cullen isn't perfect but you won't find a better man in Thedas. Look Inquisitor,  you can't decide the fate of everything.  Maybe Curly will be the sunshine she's been missing all these years? And think of how beautiful the babies will be...."</p><p>     "Babies,?! Let's take this one step at a time Varric!" Maxwell said as he held up his hands. "But you see how fragile she is.... is it wise?"</p><p>     "First of all, there's nothing fragile about that woman. She's seen and been through a lot of shit. Guess what? So has Cullen. Ever think he could help her work through some of that?"</p><p>     Maxwell grunted in response. The dwarf had a point. </p><p>     "Well, I better get some sleep. I want to make it back to Skyhold as quickly as possible. I'm missing my bed." Maxwell said as he stood and yawned. </p><p>     "Sweet dreams Inquisitor. Don't let the darkspawn bite."</p><p>     Maxwell groaned at Varric's cheesy joke and left him to struggle with re-stringing Bianca.</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0022"><h2>22. A Book</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>     The morning was gray and a thick fog clung to the ground and floated up to the sky. Cullen shivered a bit as he made his way down to the main gate, his office had acted as a warm refugee from the chilly morning. </p><p>     He felt the flutter of anticipation in his belly as he waited with the other advisors to greet the Inquisitor and his companions. </p><p>     He tried to act as normal as possible knowing Leliana was watching him, searching for any sign of his excitement at seeing Evelyn once again. Apparently he was failing miserably because a smirk played at her lips as she winked at him and purposely glanced at the approaching party.</p><p>     He held his breath as the Inquisitor approached first. Cullen was unsure of what to expect,  but he tried to act as normally as possible. </p><p>     "Welcome back Inquisitor." He said with his usual smooth tone and subtle inclination of his head.</p><p>     Maxwell nodded and smiled slightly, nothing out of the ordinary,  Cullen noted with relief. </p><p>     "Thank you Commander! Happy to be back." He dismounted his horse and greeted Leliana and Josephine warmly.</p><p>     As the rest of the party approached,  Cullen's eyes searched for Evelyn. She rode in last, hidden in the shadows of her cloak. His heart skipped a beat as her eyes locked with his.</p><p>     His throat ran dry and he felt a flush across his cheeks. <em>Don't act like a love sick puppy Rutherford. </em>He chastised himself. </p><p>     "Lady Trevelyan,  welcome home." He said as he peered up at her and offered his hand to help her dismount. </p><p>    A whisper of a smile played on her mouth as she accepted his hand. Once her feet were firmly on the ground she lowered her hood and said, "hello Cullen." It was simple, but filled with affection as her eyes sparkled when they met his own. Someone loudly cleared their throat and Cullen was snapped from his trance and realized he was still clutching her hand.</p><p>     He dropped it and rubbed the back of his neck as he realized it was Maxwell who'd cleared his throat and that the entire entourage of companions and advisors were watching curiously. </p><p>     Cullen quickly straightened and griped the pommel of his sword. "Whenever you are ready to speak with me Inquisitor,  I will make sure I am available. "</p><p>      Maxwell scratched his beard thoughtfully,  "yes, I will stop by your office later. We've much to talk about don't we....." </p><p>     Cullen gave a curt nod and turned to walk back to his office.</p><hr/><p>     A knock on his office door snapped his attention from his current report. "Enter."</p><p>     He waited as the door opened expecting Maxwell to come strolling in. Instead,  it was Evelyn.</p><p>     He stood from his chair in surprise. "Evelyn! I wasn't expecting to see you so soon! Maker have you rested and settled back in? You don't have to help with anything today, please just take a day to relax." </p><p>     She tilted her head at him as if trying to understand his words. Then she began walking around his room, examining his books, before finding a particular one, and then taking a seat by the fireplace. </p><p>     She opened the pages and began reading. Cullen rubbed at his neck awkwardly,  she took quiet to whole other level at times.</p><p>     "Ah, would you like a drink?" He asked gently.</p><p>She peered up from behind the book and nodded, "that would be nice, thank you." She said lowly.</p><p>     Cullen poured her a glass of the Tevinter red that Dorian had gifted him. </p><p>     "I started reading this a few days before we left. I've been dying to get back to it. " She added softly as she sipped from her glass.</p><p>     Cullen chuckled, "you should've told me. Take it. It's yours."</p><p>     Her brows raised up in surprise,  "truly? Are you quite sure? This is a lovely book, not one most people would part with."</p><p>     He smirked and gestured to his collection,  "I do not indulge in many material things, however, books are something I am willing to splurge on. Please take it, I'll have an excuse to order another."</p><p>     She smiled in one of her rare, full, smiles that reached her eyes. "Thank you Cullen."</p><p>     It was then that he noticed a light misting of tears in her eyes. She quickly wiped them away. "Forgive me, it's just... I haven't received a gift since I was little girl." She hastily wiped away the last tear and cleared her throat. She raised the book to hide her face once again and fell silent.</p><p>     Cullen stood stunned as her words sunk in. She'd never received a gift, at least not since childhood.  He turned,  determined to give her a proper present, complete with an elaborate bow. He would see Josephine about it as soon as he could. He sat back down at his desk. </p><p>     "Your brother seems intent to speak with me about something. He didn't say what, which is odd. Any idea what it could be?" He asked, trying to sound as nonchalant as possible. </p><p>     Her eyes peaked over the book once again, "I don't know. I think he likes the Seeker." She added dryly.</p><p>     Cullen's brows raised, "really? They can't go 5 minutes without arguing."</p><p>     "I know. But I think he likes it." She said with a shrug. Cullen shook his head with a smirk. This would be a fun little development....</p><p>     They sat in a comfortable silence for several hours, Cullen working on reports and Evelyn curled up with her book. </p><p>     Suddenly a firm knock on the office door brought them both from their studies. </p><p>     Maxwell swung opennthe door and his heavy footsteps echoed across the stone floor. He nodded at Evelyn and said, "I need to speak with Cullen in private Evelyn. May I ask you to take your reading elsewhere for the moment?" </p><p>     She nodded and looked between the two men curiously. "Thank you again Cullen." She said softly as she motioned to the book in her hand. Cullen smiled softly and nodded. "You are most welcome."</p><p>     She left the two men alone, shutting the door behind her.</p><p>     "It's time we talk about your intentions with my sister " Maxwell stated as he crossed his arms over his chest.</p><p>     <em>Here we go.....</em></p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0023"><h2>23. The Sea</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>     Cullen swallowed hard. The air in his lungs fled his body  and his body didn't try to get it back. </p><p>     <em>You knew this was coming Rutherford be a fucking man.</em></p><p>"can I offer you a drink first?" Cullen asked as he pulled a chair up to the otherside of his desk for Maxwell. </p><p>     "I'd never turn down a drink Cullen, you know that." </p><p>     <em>Alright,   he's still making jokes, perhaps this won't be so bad......</em></p><p>Cullen poured a small crystal tumbler full of whiskey and did the same with his own. He walked around his desk and sat back in his chair as casually as he could, sipping thoughtfully from the stiff drink. </p><p>      "I'm still waiting for a response Rutherford. " Maxwell said pointedly as he stared up with his pale gray eyes and narrowed them at Cullen. </p><p>     "I'm still trying to think of a way to answer." Cullen retorted with a shrug.</p><p>     "It's quite obvious you are interested in her. I could see that the first day I saw her here at Skyhold. You couldn't keep your eyes off her. But you seem to be actually pursuing this now. Is that correct?"</p><p>     Cullen sat down his glass and sighed. "I apologize for not coming to you first. We are not in any official courtship if that's what you are asking. But, yes, I am very attracted to her. Perhaps with more time, and your blessing, we could enter a courtship? If she'd even be interested...." </p><p>     Maxwell scratched at his beard as he always did when he was contemplating. He eyed Cullen carefully,  as if seeing him for the first time. Finally he dropped his hand and his gaze. His voice softened as he said,</p><p>     "Cullen, I couldn't think of a better man for my sister. I worry however,  that her getting wrapped up in a romance now is unhealthy. She has a lot to work through, what if she is clinging to you because you've become some kind of savior figure to her? </p><p>     Worst yet, what if she truly cares for you, and you decide a courtship is not what you want? That kind of rejection could possibly break her."</p><p>     Cullen's brows scrunched together as his heart sank into his stomach. </p><p>     Maxwell brought up valid points. What of she wasn't mentally and emotionally stable enough for this? Maker had he taken advantage of her?</p><p>     "Andraste,  I swear I never thought of that." He murmured as he ran his rough hands down his face. </p><p>     "The last thing I'd ever want to do is hurt her. Maxwell I have come to care for her more than I'd like to admit, even to myself I think. But if that could possibly lead to her getting hurt..." he scowled and grabbed his whiskey and downed it.</p><p>     Maxwell did the same.</p><p>     "Listen, my advice, and this is NOT an order. But my advice as your friend and Evie's brother.... take it slow. Scale all of this back. Let her stand confidently on her own in a safe environment. Then, you can revisit this."</p><p>     He stood and extended his hand out to Cullen. Cullen stood and shook his hand. </p><p>     "You are a good man Commander. I've no doubt you will do what is best. Only you really know."</p><p>     Cullen nodded, "thank you Maxwell. I will consider this seriously."</p><p>     Maxwell smirked, "oh I'm sure you will. You consider taking a piss seriously. "</p><p>     He laughed at his own joke and shut the door behind him. Cullen sighed and leaned against his desk with outstretched arms, pressing firmly on the smooth surface. </p><p>     Perhaps he'd moved far too quickly. Maker he'd kissed her. He couldn't imagine being caught up in any romance after Kinloch. Her trauma was just as severe. How could he be so selfish? </p><p>     He slumped back into his chair. She occupied his thoughts all the time now. The way she would quietly curl up on his sofa with a book, or the way she'd have sudden angry outbursts when reading reports on Samson's movements. The way she would <em>almost </em>smile when they would have light hearted conversations. </p><p>     Her smell when she would get close to analyze his maps and set her markers. Her voice, low and quiet, yet firm and ,at times, precise in its verbal attacks. She was smart,  <em>very smart, </em>and when she dared to show it, funny.</p><p>     She was like the Waking Sea. </p><p>     At times calm and quiet, but she could quickly become violent and ruthless. But no matter what, calm or thrashing, like the sea, she was beautiful.</p><p>     How could pull away now?  </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0024"><h2>24. Quiet Storm</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>     The next morning, Cullen had dragged himself from his bed. Dark circles under his eyes hinted at the lack of sleep he'd had the night before. Maxwell's words had run through his mind again and again.</p><p>     He knew he needed to speak with Evie. </p><p>     He bathed and dressed himself for the day. The rest of Skyhold was beginning to stir and he knew it would only be another hour or so before she'd come to his office, carrying two muffins,  one for each of them,  and a stack of maps she'd worked on.</p><p>     Like clockwork,  she came quietly through his door and greeted him with a soft upturn of her full lips. </p><p>     "Morning" She said lowly as she sat a muffin in front of him and began laying out the map she wished to show him first.</p><p>     "Good Morning Evelyn. " He replied softly as he watched her long, slender fingers roll out the map carefully. He could smell the hint of sea salt and lavender that always seemed to cling to her. </p><p>     He took a shaky breath as he tried to find the right way to have the difficult discussion that needed to be had.</p><p>     "Evie there's something we need to discuss." He said as he fumbled with his hands and looked everywhere but at her.</p><p>     "Alright..." she replied calmly, her face not showing any emotion or indication of what she was feeling.</p><p>     "Before you left, we.... shared a moment. Together..." He began awkwardly. </p><p>     Silence.</p><p>     "The Inquisitor and I spoke yesterday and it was decided that it would be best for you if we took.... whatever is happening.... well, perhaps placing it on pause for the time being, until you are adjusted. "</p><p>     His face was on fire and he finally got the nerve to look her in the eyes, and then he immediately regretted it. </p><p>     When he had crossed the Waking Sea from Kirkwall,  there had been one night when a terrible storm had blown in. The sea was always black at night but with the addition of a storm cloud covered sky, everything was pitch black. All he could make out was even blacker masses,  waves, barreling towards the ship just before they crashed against its sides. </p><p>     For several moments, he thought they wouldn't survive. Surely the sea would take them that night he had thought.</p><p>     Looking at Evie,  he saw the rolling crashing waves again but this time in the form of thick black smoke that began rising from her hands and out of her nose with each exhale. Her pale grey eyes were now black ponds as she clenched her jaw tightly.</p><p>     "E-Evie?" He managed to squeak out.</p><p>     "So you and my brother decided, <em>without me, </em>what would be best, <em>for me? "</em></p><p>     Uh-oh. Cullen swallowed hard and took a step back.</p><p>     "W-well, he was worried f-for you and everything you've been through..."</p><p>     "So he decided that after decades of being told <em>what to do </em>by everyone I've ever encountered,  that he'd,  no, BOTH of you, would help me by telling me what to do?!" Her entire body was shaking and the smoke of her fire magic was billowing high above her, rolling and swirling. </p><p>     <em>She must be struggling to contain her magic. </em>Cullen thought to himself as he took another step back.</p><p>     "Evie please,  we only want the best for you. I don't want you to be with me because you haven't known anything else." </p><p>     Suddenly all the air seemed to <em>whoosh </em>out of her like the deflated sails of a ship. Her crashing waves eased and came to an eerie still.</p><p>     "You think I haven't known love? Or the affection of another? That I haven't seen enough of this world to know something is good and <em>wonderful </em>when I find it?" She asked, her voice fragile and broken. </p><p>     His heart sank and he fought the urge to run to her and scoop her up into his arms and tell her to forget everything he'd said. </p><p>     But then her fragility vanished and a cool, stone mask replaced it. Her voice becoming flat and low. Monotoned and devoid of emotion.</p><p>     "Very well Commander.  It would be best if I worked alone from here on out. I will send you my reports and maps."</p><p>     "Evelyn...' he started as he took a half step towards her.</p><p>     She held up a hand and stopped him. "I am, for the first time in my life, a free woman. I chose to spend my time with you because I <em>wanted </em>to. I will not be told how to live my life by anyone for as long as I live. Not you, not my brothers,  not the chantry, not even the fucking Maker. How sad that you could not recognize that."</p><p>     She turned on her heel and slammed the door behind her. </p><p>     Cullen groaned and slumped into his chair as he scrubbed his face with his hands.</p><p>     Her words stinging him over and over again. She'd spent time with him because she wanted to. She thought what they had was <em>wonderful. </em>Maker he was a blighted fool! </p><p>     His eyes fell to the still warm muffin that she'd brought him. Carefully wrapped in a small napkin. Simple things that she had enjoyed doing with him everyday. </p><p>     A blighted fool indeed.</p><hr/><p>     Maxwell was early to the war room like most days, pouring over the latest reports from Harding and the others in the field. He could hear the sound of someone approaching quickly towards the door.</p><p>     He didn't have to wait long to see that it was Evie. She blew open the doors with a flick of her hand and then promptly shut them with another small flick.</p><p>     She was eerily calm and her expression blank.</p><p>     "Evie.... h-how are you?" Maxwell never stumbled over his words but he'd never seen her quite like this.</p><p>     "Commander Cullen told me what you spoke to him about. He wishes to pause what we have because he's afraid I am only interested because I don't know any better." Her voice flat and dry  she continued, </p><p>     "I will only say this to you once so I should make myself perfectly clear."</p><p>     He suddenly felt light and he realized with horror that his feet were no longer touching the ground. He was raised higher into the air until his feet were higher than the war room table.</p><p>     She approached him calmly, one hand lazily outstretched,  seemingly controlling his body.</p><p>     "I have been controlled by the chantry, templars, other mages, and Edward.  I <em>will not </em>be controlled by anyone ever again. If you think there is a problem you come to ME. I am no damsel in distress brother and you would do well not to forget it."</p><p>     He felt his body slowly lower to the ground and when his feet hit the stone he grabbed the war table and squeezed the edges in case she tried to levitate him again.</p><p>     "Evelyn <em>what the fuck?!" </em>He growled.</p><p>     "I want you to understand that I am under no one's thumb. I answer to you now because <em>I choose </em>to be apart of the Inquisition.  If you wish to force me to do anything,  I will leave. If I am imprisoned,  I will take my own life. I will not be bound and ruled by anyone." </p><p>     She held his gaze unwavering for several moments. Finally,  he nodded his head in agreement and understanding. </p><p>     "I will never force you to do anything. Forgive me for my intrusion with you and Cullen. I only wanted to protect you." </p><p>     She nodded softly and then turned and left the war room a quiet version of the storm that had initially entered. </p><p>     "Maker I should be worried for Cullen." Maxwell grumbled as he shook his head and returned his attention back to his reports. </p><p>     </p><p>     </p><p>     </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0025"><h2>25. Chess Pieces</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>     At least a week had passed since that morning in his office. She hadn't so much so as glanced at him. Not that he'd actually seen her long enough to know if she ever actually looked at him. She'd made herself practically invisible. She moved throughout Skyhold like a shadow, darting and weaving through the crowds, maneuvering just right so that Cullen only caught glimpses of her dark clothes. </p><p>     He felt terrible. He felt like he was going mad not being able to see her. To sit comfortably next to her in silence. He had only kissed her one time, yet it was all his thoughts wandered to. </p><p>     Did he make the right choice? When he stared into the mirror in the mornings, he had to think he did not.</p><p>     His eyes were bloodshot and dark circles ringed the skin below his eyes. He had let his usual 5 O'clock shadow grow more scruffy than usual. He couldn't seem to muster the will to shave completely. His hair wasn't perfectly combed into place. For any outsider, the Commander just looked even more handsome and rugged. But for those closer to him, they knew something was off with the very particular and steady Cullen Rutherford. </p><p>     He struggled with reports that morning, pinching the bridge of his nose and cursing the headache he could feel forming behind his eyes.</p><p>     A runner delivered a message and Cullen didn't need to look at the name to know who it was from. </p><p>     Impeccable, loopy writing adorned the small parchment.</p><p>     <em>Commander, </em></p><p>
  <em>Chess in the gardens at noon. No excuses. I will come to your office in only my smalls if you decide not to show. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>     -Dorian</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Cullen sighed and laid the message on his desk. There was no use in trying to dodge the invitation. He'd canceled their usual chess matches twice that week. He couldn't bare talking about what had happened between him and Evelyn. No doubt, Dorian knew everything and was chomping at the bits to talk to him about it.</p><p>     He finished up a couple more reports and then begrudgingly made his way down to the gardens.</p><p>     Skyhold was bustling with people from all over Thedas. Merchants from Antiva and Orlais lined one large stone wall. Nobles and courtiers congregated in clusters in the garden. Dorian always managed to clear space. Cullen assumed most of the nobility didn't want to be associated with someone from Tevinter. Although he was something of a social pariah, Dorian still commanded the attention of everyone in whatever space he occupied. </p><p>     Today, he sat cross-legged at a small table for two under a large tree. Cullen was grateful for the mage's choice to avoid direct sunlight, despite the warm rays feeling delightful on the skin. Dorian pretend to be apathetic to everyone's feelings, but most people realized after spending a short time with him, that he was actually quite the opposite. </p><p>     Cullen greeted him with a nod of his head. "Clearly I got your message."</p><p>     Dorian twisted his moustache with a heavily beweled finger.</p><p>     "I must admit I'm a little disappointed you came. I had on my <em>special occasion </em>smalls just in case you decided to stay in your office." He waggled his brows towards a horrified looking Commander. </p><p>     "Maker's breath Dorian, you're already starting in?" He took a seat and eyed the board.</p><p>     "Don't worry Commander,  I've placed all the pieces where they belong. No cheating." Dorian said as he held a hand over his heart. </p><p>     "Yet..." Cullen mumbled under his breath.</p><p>      "Would you like me to go first or would you like to do the honors?" Cullen asked as he waved a hand across the board. </p><p>     Dorian sat up and hummed as he tapped a finger against the table's surface. </p><p>     "By all means Cullen, take it away." He finally answered. </p><p>     He watched intently as Cullen made his first move. </p><p>     "I do appreciate the fact that you gave me a choice in the matter. You know.... didn't make any decisions for me..." Dorian said so nonchalantly that Cullen knew it was anything but nonchalant. </p><p>     "Alright...." he grumbled as Dorian fluttered his fingers over his pieces.</p><p>     "Let's see.... ah! This one piece.... I choose this one." He made his move and then leaned back in his chair.</p><p>     "How do we make choices like these really? I had all of these pieces to choose from, yet, I decided on that specific piece. Obviously there are some that are so completely wrong I wouldn't even consider choosing them at this time in the game...but some are more suitable than others, and yet I selected this one." He tapped the piece as he peered up at Cullen.</p><p>     Cullen frowned, "what are you getting at?"</p><p>Dorian smiled like a cat who'd caught the mouse. "Well perhaps you have an answer? Why did you select that piece to move first? Out of all these others?" He waved his hand across Cullen's pieces dramatically. </p><p>     Cullen sat back and sighed, "it was a random selection." </p><p>     Dorian shook his head. "No, it was not. You took your time, you examined the board carefully. Why did you pick that one?" He demanded as he crossed his arms stubbornly. </p><p>     Cullen ran his hand through his hair. Dorian wasn't going to let this go so he decided to answer in the hopes it would make him shut up. </p><p>     "I selected that piece because I felt it was the right one at this point in the game. It was the right move."</p><p>     Dorian let out a  <em>hhmmmm </em>as he sipped from his slender glass of wine.</p><p>     "Did you need to try out the other pieces to figure that out?"</p><p>     Cullen could feel his heart beating harder.</p><p>     "N-no..." </p><p>Dorian smirked smugly. "I see. What if I had told you that you <em>couldn't </em>select that specific piece because I didn't think it was right for you at this particular point in the game? </p><p>     Cullen dropped his gaze. His voice softened,  "I would have disagreed, perhaps I would've not continued playing."</p><p>     Dorian let out a long sigh. "I assume you realize we're not talking about chess?"</p><p>     Cullen nodded once.</p><p>     "Commander,  if I may be so bold, <em>which I most certainly am, </em>you have committed a classic  case of self-sabotage."</p><p>     Cullen scrunched his brows in a skeptical manner. "How so?"</p><p>     "You didn't think you deserved her. Deserved happiness. So you pushed her away thinking she'd be better without you."</p><p>     "I don't deserve her. She should see what the world has to offer." He said deflated.</p><p>     "You're not exactly a world traveler yourself Commander. You've spent the majority of your life patroling your youth away in a circle tower. You left only to join the Inquisition which means you spend your life either in your office, the war room, or the sparring ring. Not exactly a royal playboy...." Dorian remarked with his signature sass. He flicked one of his chess pieces down in annoyance. </p><p>     "How many serious relationships have you been in? Why do you make her out to be some sheltered doll when your life has been spent in almost identical locations? Identical barriers to serious romance?" </p><p>     Cullen sat tongue tied and slightly embarrassed. Maker, he was right. He had treated her like a child. One of the qualities he'd admired about her was her strength and strong will. Then he treated her like a delicate flower who needed protection from herself. </p><p>     He scrubbed his hands over his face and groaned.</p><p>     "I just wanted to make sure she knew what she was doing getting involved with me." He murmured. </p><p>     "She's not exactly perfect either. But you deserve some happiness Commander. And so does she."</p><p>     Dorian stood and stretched languidly like a slinky cat. </p><p>     "You have some serious ass kissing to do." He patted Cullen's shoulder and sauntered off without another word.</p><p>     He had to do something to show her how he felt. How he was sorry for pushing her away. That she could trust him.</p><p>     His eyes brightened as a thought came to his mind.</p><p>     Perhaps it was time to speak to Josephine...</p><p> </p><p>     </p><p>     </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0026"><h2>26. Uniform Change</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>     Evelyn leaned against the stone wall that made up the battlements. She gazed over the low wall and out across the Frostbacks. The mountain air was fresh and cold, invigorating her lungs with each deep breath. The hood of her cloak was pulled tightly over her head and her hair clung close to her face. </p><p>     She heard confident, loud, footsteps behind her. Cassandra approached her and came to stand beside her. </p><p>     "The Frostbacks are beautiful aren't they?" She said as more of a statement than a question. </p><p>     Evelyn hummed in agreement. </p><p>     "I've noticed you and the Commander have not been spending time together."</p><p>     "Yes, well, he and my brother can explain why." Evelyn replied dryly. </p><p>     Cassandra arched a scarred brow. "Yes, Maxwell told me what happened. I believe he regrets his actions. He truly wants you to be happy."</p><p>     Evelyn sighed. "They both believe I need to grow as an individual before I get involved with anyone else. They treated me like a child."</p><p>     Cassandra snorted, "well they are powerful men. Powerful men tend to steamroll women, even if they don't intend too."</p><p>     Evelyn gave a snort of her own, "isn't that the damn truth." She muttered. </p><p>     Cassandra examined her carefully. Taking in her covered form, specifically,  her face which she always tried to keep as obscure as possible. </p><p>     "You hide yourself. Why?" She asked Evelyn with a softness in her voice.</p><p>     Evelyn stood silent and still for several moments. Cassandra began to think she wouldn't answer.</p><p>     "I started it in the Circle when I was around 13. I wanted to be invisible so nobody would notice me. There were some Templars and even older Mages, who preyed on the young women. I didn't want to be their next victim. I carried it on when I was with Edward for the same reasons. The less I'm noticed, the less danger I am in." </p><p>     A silence fell over the women. Cassandra felt a heavy sadness for the cloaked woman next to her. Her entire existence had been a struggle to essentially <em>not </em>exist.</p><p>     "Well, you are safe now. Protected even. Perhaps it's time to step fully into the world. What better way to show you are strong in yourself?"</p><p>     Evelyn turned slightly to better see the Seeker. "How so?"</p><p>     "Remove your hood, remove the hair from your face. Show your brother and Cullen that you are confident and capable of making your own decisions. Physical confidence is powerful. Nobody ever questions me wearing armor instead of dresses. Its because they wouldn't dare. I am strong and confident in myself and I show it." She said as she raised her head so that her chin stuck out defiantly. </p><p>     Evelyn rolled her words around. "Perhaps you're right." She said simply. </p><p>     Cassandra gave the slightest upturn of her lips. "Consider it. Your circumstances have changed, perhaps your uniform should as well." </p><p>     She turned and walked away, leaving Evelyn alone to contemplate her thoughts. </p><p>     Evelyn stood for a while longer. With her mind made up, she turned sharply on her heel and made her way to Dorian's usual spot in the library. Like a woman on a mission, she marched up the spiral stairs until she reached his floor.</p><p>     He was lounging in his velvet chair, swirling a glass of wine in one hand, while holding a book with the other, his face mere inches from the pages.</p><p>     "Perhaps you need reading glasses?" She said in her dry tone.</p><p>     Dorian peered up and scoffed, "I will <em>never </em>put spectacles on this perfect face. It's already a pity that I have to hide my gift of a body with clothes."</p><p>     He sat down the book on the small side table. "Now, my beautiful dear, what can I help you with."</p><p>     Evelyn took a deep breath and looked him straight in the eye. </p><p>     "I want you to give me a makeover."</p><p>     Dorian stood as if hearing some form of shocking news. </p><p>     "Don't play with me Trevelyan. This is serious business. Do you truly mean it?"</p><p>     She nodded with a firm up and down motion.</p><p>     "I am completely serious."</p><p>     Dorian's eyes glittered with excitement. "This is the best thing to happen to me in years! Come on, we have a lot of work to do."</p><p>    "Not <em>that </em>much work Dorian." She replied with a skeptical face.</p><p>     Dorian eyed her up and down. "Oh no my dear, we have a <em>ton </em>of work to do."</p><p>     As they walked side by side towards her chambers, Dorian in a bubbly voice asked, "so is this because of the ball the Inquisitor is holding in three days?" </p><p>     She turned her head sharply to the mage as she stopped dead in her tracks. "What ball?"</p><p>     Dorian twirled his moustache,  unsure of how to proceed. "I see your brother has 'forgotten' to tell you..... Josephine is having quite the soiree in your honor. A celebration of the return of the Inquisitor's sister..... you truly didn't know?"</p><p>     Evelyn squeezed her eyes shut, willing the fire balls that threatened to escape her fingers to remain extinguished. </p><p>     "No I did not. But all the more reason to change things up?" She replied through her gritted teeth. </p><p>     Dorian smirked, "someone is working on their appearance AND their temper. Bravo my darling. When this is over, you are going to <em>stun </em>at this little party."</p><p>     He linked his arm in hers and they made their way to her room.</p><p>     </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0027"><h2>27. Snip Snip</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>     <em>Snip</em></p><p>Another lock fell in front of her face, scattering when it hit the floor.</p><p>     <em>Snip Snip Snip</em></p><p>It all seemed to begin raining down around her, her head feeling lighter and lighter with each cut.</p><p>     "Keep still!" Dorian chastised Evelyn as she squirmed in her chair.</p><p>     "I want to see!" She pouted.</p><p>     "I told you when I'm finished. Now be <em>still!" </em>He huffed. </p><p>     An eternity seemed to pass before he finally took a step back and looked her over with a critical eye. </p><p>     "Now a little something to make your eyes <em>really </em>pop..." he muttered more to himself than her.</p><p>     He began snipping away at the front of her hair, making her crinkle her nose as the short pieces tickled her face.</p><p>     Josephine came sweeping into Evelyn's room with her arms full of new outfits. Dorian had sent a runner for her, carrying the "urgent" message of the makeover in process.</p><p>     Josephine gasped and nearly dropped the clothes.</p><p>     "Dorian! This is incredible work!" She exclaimed with pure excitement. </p><p>     Dorian smirked smugly as he brushed the excess hair from Evelyn's shoulders.</p><p>     "Well of course it is my dear." </p><p>     Evelyn still hadn't seen what he had done exactly and was anxious to turn around.</p><p>     Dorian, seemingly sensing her rising anxiety,  swept his arm out in invitation. </p><p>     "Time for the big reveal my girl." He said proudly.</p><p>     She finally stood and slowly turned to face her vanity mirror. She had told Dorian she was tired of hiding,  tired of feeling like she needed to disappear. She wanted something that spoke to her confidence,  her new found freedom.</p><p>     He didn't disappoint. </p><p>     He had cut her hair so that it hit just below her chin. Her wild waves now looked soft and licked and framed her face perfectly. Choppy, short, wavy bangs fell above her well defined brow and her pale eyes almost seemed to glow with the added frame. </p><p>     There was nothing she could hide behind any longer. </p><p>     Josephine clapped her hands together and squealed. "Oh it looks just like the Antivan girls who sing at prominent soirees. They are always so stylish!"</p><p>     Evelyn smiled as she ran her fingers through the short tresses that framed her face. She loved it.</p><p>     Josephine swept across the floor with a small box. She sat it on Evelyn's vanity and with twinkling eyes, opened it.</p><p>     "These are a few beauty products from Orlais. They're some of my personal favorites. You don't need much, you are so beautiful already."</p><p>     Evelyn blushed at the compliment and her eyes grew wide in wonderment at all of the dainty items that lay in the velvet lined box.</p><p>     "This is a rose stain that you can use on her cheeks and lips. " Josephine explained as she began applying it to Evelyn's cheeks and then with a delicate finger, she dabbed Evelyn's lips. </p><p>     "It only takes a little." She murmured as she blended the stain in.</p><p>     In the circle, some of the mages wore stains similar to this one. But Evelyn had always stayed away from such things. In her mind, it was just another way to draw attention to herself. Besides, her family never sent her any coin to make such purchases. With Edward, she simply focused on surviving each day, she never had the opportunity to think of such luxuries. </p><p>     Josephine then pulled out a slender dark stick. "This is for your eyes. Again  you don't need much, perhaps just a line along your upper lash..." </p><p>     She drew a soft, faint line right above her lashes.  </p><p>     Evelyn stood in front of her mirror, her face blank as she took herself in. She hardly recognized herself.  The woman in the mirror looked self-assured, capable,  beautiful. A full blossoming smile spread over her lips and Dorian and Josephine both held in their shock. They'd never seen her smile like this. Only Cullen had seen her genuinely smile, and that was on the rare occasion. </p><p>     "Thank you both so much. Truly." She said softly.</p><p>     "We're not done yet my dear." Dorian said with anticipation. He practically skipped to where Josephine had laid the new wardrobe. </p><p>     "Now, let's get you into something a little more.... <em>fashionable. " </em></p><hr/><p>        <em>Everything had a green haze about it. The biggest indicator of where she was.</em></p><p>
  <em>     "Fuck." She muttered aloud. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>     "Now now Evelyn,  that's no way to greet a stranger who has welcomed you to their home." The distorted voice of her mother hissed. She looked around trying to determine where the voice was coming from. The scene in front of morphed into her childhood home. The sitting room her mother often occupied throughout the day to be exact. It was just as she remembered it.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>     Her mother, or rather, the demon pretending to be her mother, emerged from behind a floral screen. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>     "look at you Evelyn. You look so lovely. Its about time you took interest in your appearance. Plenty of eligible nobleman available to you now." Her mother's form grinned disturbingly as it sat in the high back chair, sipping delicately from a tea cup.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>     "I am fully aware that you are not my mother. Get on with it demon." Evelyn said as she crossed her arms over her chest. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>     The demon sneered and stood. "Do you really think you can stop Edward? You are sending more innocent men and women to their deaths. He works for Corypheus now. He is too powerful and to cunning to be stopped. But with my help....." the demon purred.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>     Evelyn sighed. "The simple and final answer is 'no'. We will prevail without your help demon."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>     Suddenly her mother's form morphed into something else entirely, something familiar. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>     Evelyn's heart raced as she stared into the red eyes of Edward. A red eerie haze clung to his body and his veins were showing the beginning of advanced red lyrium intake.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>     "I've grown so powerful Evelyn. Many will perish at my hand. How will you feel when I cut down your Commander?" </em>
</p><p>
  <em>     "ENOUGH!" She screamed out into the fade. She sent a ball of fire into the demon and it wailed in pain before disappearing entirely.</em>
</p><p>She woke in a sweat, her heart pounding and her whole being filled with dread.</p><p>     </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0028"><h2>28. Soiree</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Sorry for the long delay! Life has been SO busy!</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>     "I told you to let out the shoulders Angelo." Cullen grumbled at the Antivan tailor. "I can barely lift my arms. "</p><p>     Angelo rolled his eyes as he smoothed the deep blue of Cullen's formal jacket down the back. "It fits <em>perfect </em>Commander. If only all men had the issue of their shoulders being too muscular and broad." He said in his thick accent. </p><p>     Cullen blushed slightly, "it's nothing to do with that, you insist on making this too bloody small." He growled.</p><p>     "It fits the way its supposed to. Now stop complaining,  you should know by now it get you nowhere. " </p><p>     Angelo circled Cullen again with a critical eye, straightening a buckle here, tightening a clasp there. </p><p>     "I say Commander,  this is my best piece yet. The Fereldan blue compliments you handsomely. " He said finally with a smile and twinkle in his eye.</p><p>     Cullen stood and stared at his reflection. He had to admit,  it was a fine uniform.  Despite hating formal events, and the formal clothing even more, Angelo had created a simple but handsome ensemble. A deep Fereldan blue for his form fitting jacket and overlay with gold buttons, black trousers and boots with gold buckles. His hair was perfectly in place and although he'd shaved that morning,  the faint hint of stubble was already showing. </p><p>     "Now if you'll excuse me Commander,  I must see to the Inquisitor's sister, Lady Evelyn." Angelo began grabbing his sewing box and extra fabrics.</p><p>     Cullen's ears perked up at the sound of her name. "Lady Evelyn you say? Is-Is she excited for the soiree?"</p><p>     Angelo turned and squeezed his eyes almost shut as if trying to see Cullen more clearly. "Did you just say "soiree"? And did you ask if someone was excited for it? Odd......" He muttered. </p><p>     Cullen rubbed at his neck,  and found the restrictive jacket made it much harder to reach. "Well that's what it's called... I was just curious." He trailed off under his breath. </p><p>     Angelo continued peering quizzically at Cullen as he answered, "yes.... actually quite excited. She's been practicing her dance steps nonstop for two days. It's been almost impossible to get her to stop long enough to make my final adjustments." </p><p>     Cullen was surprised and tried to hide it. Would she want to dance with him? He wasn't much for dancing but for her.....</p><p>     "I suggest you find a way to save a dance with her. I've a strong feeling she will be quite in demand..." He winked at Cullen and left him in his office. </p><p>     Cullen's mind wandered to the soiree that was only a little over an hour away. Images of Evelyn twirling and spinning in the arms of some nobleman began burning through his mind and he felt a knot of jealousy building inside him.</p><p>     He shook the thoughts from his mind and decided to see if Leliana needed any assistance with security.</p><hr/><p>     He frowned. The main hall was packed with gobs of expensive fabrics and the overwhelming smell of fragrant perfume was already giving him a headache. </p><p>     "Bonjour Commander!" Was excitedly called out to him by every passing woman and some men. The women fanned themselves with their extravagant and far too expensive hand fans. Many of the Orlesian women wore masks but the noblewoman from the Marches, Fereldan and Antiva wore none. Almost all had extravagant updos pulled on top their heads with everything from flowers, to pearls, to a bird cage? <em>Maker's breath. </em>Cullen inwardly growned at the ridiculous fashion accessory. </p><p>     The music from the small band of stringed instruments played and echoed through the hall and the sound of chatter, gossip, and laughter filled the large room. </p><p>     "I am simply <em>dying </em>of curiosity to see the Inquisitor's sister." One woman said dramatically as she fanned herself. She batted her lashes at the man she spoke to waiting for his response.</p><p>     "As is most of the people in this room my lady. Myself and many others are quite interested in her relationship status. I understand she is unbetrothed. " The man responded as he swirled his brandy.</p><p>     "She isn't the only woman here tonight that is unbetrothed..." the woman responded. Cullen rolled his eyes at the couples exchange. Is this all these kinds of events were? It was like a small ocean filled with sharks, ready to attack it's prey the moment it presented itself. </p><p>     "Commander would you care to dance?" A young woman approched him with a broad smile. He sighed. He opened his mouth to tell her "no" when his eyes caught Josephine's and she twisted her face into a stern expression that left no room for arguments. He certainly didn't want to upset her so early in the evening. The young woman must have been someone important for Josephine to be so watchful. </p><p>     He swallowed his pride and disgust for the Game, forced a pleasant expression, but found he couldn't outright smile,  and accepted the invitation. </p><p>     "I would be honored my lady." He said and felt nauseous from his own fakery. </p><p>     She giggled and took his arm, and they made their way to the dance floor. She rambled on and on about her trip to Skyhold and about the peculiar people she'd met. Cullen was hardly listening and his eyes scanned the room repeatedly looking for only Evelyn. Where was she? </p><p>     The young woman's perfume was overwhelming and Cullen didn't dare to take a deep breath. Fortunately,  the tightness of his jacket prevented that anyways. </p><p>     "Commander?" </p><p>Cullen blinked and realized she must have been asking him something. "Ah, I'm sorry my lady, can you repeat that?"</p><p>     She giggled and batted her long lashes. "I asked if it was true that you are a single man?" </p><p>     Cullen swallowed,  "well, I would say that I am married to my work." He replied, slightly panicking now. </p><p>     The song came to an end, much to Cullen's relief.  The young woman pouted, "I wanted the song to last all night....as I've heard that Templars do ...." she added seductively as she ran a finger down his chest. She bit at her lip and giggled again. "Come find me later Commander.... if you'd like..." she turned and swayed her hips as she walked away. <em>Maker's Breath I've been here only a handful of minutes and I'm ready to leave. </em></p><p>     Suddenly the crowd began gasping in excitement and an applause erupted as Maxwell entered the room. He smiled widely and waved with both hands to the people. He certainly knew how to work a room. </p><p>     "Thank you all for being here as we celebrate the return of my dear sister. She meant the world to me as a child and she continues to hold a special place in my heart. Her service to the Inquisition has already proved useful and beneficial. Please,  welcome with open arms and hearts,  my sister, Lady Evelyn Trevelyan!"</p><p>     The crowd erupted in applause and the doors to the main hall opened, revealing a woman in the center of the wide double doors. </p><p>     The room was loud and filled with cheers and clapping, but it all sounded distant and far away from Cullen's ears. Time slowed just slightly, as did his breathing,  as he watched the woman walk through the doors. </p><p>     She wore a long gown of crushed velvet dyed in the deepest of reds. The rich fabric pooled around her feet which were adorned with gold slippers. They peaked just barely beneath the rich fabric of her gown. The dress was slightly loose but fitted enough to reveal her shapely figure which had continued to fill out during her time at Skyhold. It rounded over her hips and became tightly fitted at her waist, spreading to just above her belly button,  then splitting to the right and left, covering each breast but making a deep V of skin between. The dress hung loosely from her shoulders. Layered gold necklaces with the Inquisition symbol adorned her chest. Her lips were stained the same hue as her gown. </p><p>     Her dark hair hung in short, loose curls around her face, creating a soft frame for her beautiful features.</p><p>     Cullen felt the room fade away as she approached. She smiled softly at the crowd and gave a delicate wave to the audience. </p><p>     Finally,  she raised her hands to silence the crowd. </p><p>     "Thank you Maxwell, for this beautiful evening and warm welcome. Thank you all for your service and loyalty to the Inquisition. Together,  we can, and will, stop the forces of evil in this world." The crowd erupted in cheers again and she gave a confident,  closed mouth smile. </p><p>     Her eyes suddenly connected with Cullen's and the hard confidence that had covered face, softened as her eyes flicked him up and down. He thought he saw a slight blush redden her cheeks but he couldn't be sure. She gave him a subtle nod, and continued to make her way to Maxwell.</p><p>     Cullen could hear the incessant chatter all around him. The music began again as did the dancing and mingling. Now he knew what Angelo meant by her being in demand. And he'd be damned if he didn't get a moment with her tonight. He began to make his way through the crowd, ignoring the shouts of the women calling out to him.</p><p>     "Commander,  perhaps a dance?!"</p><p>"Why Commander,  you look so handsome!"</p><p>     "Commander care to dance?"</p><p>     None of it mattered. He'd been the biggest fool in Thedas to push her away and he'd spend the rest of his life working to make it right. His feet carried him straight to the throne where Maxwell sat with Evelyn standing at his side looking like some ancient goddess.</p><p>     Maxwell arched a knowing brow at Cullen and just smirked and shook his head.</p><p>     Evelyn was speaking to a small group of nobles. Cullen suddenly felt his confidence slip and nervousness took hold of him. But he steadied himsef and cleared his throat.</p><p>     "Lady Evelyn?" He asked, terrified and altogether hopeful.</p>
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<a name="section0029"><h2>29. May I?</h2></a>
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    <p>     Evelyn turned and her pale sparkling eyes met his. A flash of surprise crossed them,  a ghost of a smile bubbling to the surface. </p><p>     "Commander Cullen, enjoying the evening?" She asked lowly. She turned towards him fully now and despite his iron clad self discipline,  his eyes betrayed him for the briefest moment as they flicked her up and down. Even this smallest moment did not escape her notice. She arched a brow up and down quickly and tilted her head to one side.</p><p>     "Or should I ask if you are enjoying the scenery of the evening?" She added.</p><p>     A red hot blush fanned over his cheeks and he let out a nervous cough. </p><p>     "I, uh, typically do not care for such occasions. But you look..... Maker you look lovely. " He said quietly,  not quite meeting her gaze. </p><p>     "Thank you" she said softly, then adding, "you may not like these occasions,  but you certainly look more than handsome for such occasions." He looked up and saw that she was unafraid to meet his gaze as she said the words. </p><p>     A slight smirk played on his lips. Perhaps not all hope was lost? </p><p>     He rubbed at his neck scolding himself for not asking the obvious next question in situations such as these. <em>Ask her dance Rutherford! </em></p><p>"Lady Trevelyan,  I simply must have this dance!" A man in deep yellow called out as he grabbed her by the hand and spun her around. </p><p>     She let out a startled sound but quickly regained herself. "Of course Lord Dunham."</p><p>     She turned to look back over her shoulder at Cullen who was feeling pulled between strangling the man who'd stolen his moment and disappointed in his own hesitation. </p><p>     "Perhaps we can speak more later Commander?" She said as more of a statement than a question and gave him another soft smile as she mouthed "sorry" to him.</p><p>     His expression lit up and softened and he inclined his head deeply. "I look forward to it." He said in his baritone voice.</p><p>     He watched silently as she glided across the dance floor, not missing a single step to the dance. He wondered where she learned. She looked as if she'd danced for years.</p><p>     "She watched my mother dance from as early as I can remember. " Maxwell said as he approached Cullen's side, answering his unspoken question. </p><p>     "When she found out about all this," he motioned to the entirety of the main hall, " she did nothing but practice for two days. She's a natural though. It didn't take much." </p><p>     She spun and twirled and attracted several impressed onlookers. A genuine wide smile spread across her face and she looked so <em>happy </em>it made Cullen's heart ache. This was the life she was meant for. The life she should have had all along. What she dreamt of as a child, what she'd prepared for... until she was sent away. </p><p>     "You know Cullen.... I made a mistake. I wasn't there for her when the circle fell, and because of that failure,  she fell into Edward's hands. I will carry that with me always. But I won't stand in the way of what makes her happy. Whatever, or <em>whoever, </em>that may be." He gave Cullen a playful punch in the shoulder and walked away, lighting up the room everywhere he went.</p><p>     "My, don't you look absolutely <em>delicious </em>tonight Commander. " Dorian cooed as he suddenly appeared in front of Cullen. </p><p>     "Hello Dorian." Cullen replied.</p><p>     "Are you not going to return the compliment? I know that I stand in your way as the most handsome man at the party, but jealousy is not a good look on you Cullen." </p><p>     Cullen tried to supress his amused smile but a smirk pulled at his lips. "I'm not so sure about you standing in my way of that title Dorian...," </p><p>     Dorian gasped and clutched at his heart in feigned shock. "The <em>audacity!" </em></p><p>     When he schooled his face back to demure smugness,  he scanned the room to find the source of Cullen's intense stare.</p><p>     "Ah, that's what you've been staring at. Or rather <em>who. </em>Really Cullen, you don't even try to hide it."</p><p>     Cullen quirked a brow. "Should I?" </p><p>     Dorian shrugged, "perhaps not. Have you asked her to dance?"</p><p>     Cullen frowned, "I was about to, but that man asked first. Now that I've seen her dance, I'm not sure I could even keep up." </p><p>     "I'm sure she'd be more than satisfied with whatever you brought to the floor." He waggled his brows suggestively. </p><p>     Cullen rolled his eyes, "You're terrible. "</p><p>      "No, I am <em>wonderful </em>and you know it." </p><p>     Then he added as he began to walk away, "don't wait too long Commander. There's a room of people who would love to be in your shoes." He winked and sauntered off.</p><p>     Cullen nodded and took a deep breath. Despite the nervous fluttering in his stomach he marched determinedly towards the dance floor. </p><p>     He tapped the shoulder of the man in deep yellow, Evelyn's eyes lighting up as she saw him.</p><p>     "Excuse me my lord, but may I cut in?"</p><p>     The Lord looked annoyed, but when he realized who was asking, and that Cullen absolutely <em>dwarfed </em>the man in size, he sheepishly relented his hold on Evelyn's waist and hand.</p><p>      Feeling a surge of confidence at the look of excitement on Evelyn's face, he bowed deeply to her, his eyes never wavering from hers. He brought her hand to his lips and held a kiss there longer than necessary. She shivered slightly and let out a shaky breath.</p><p>     Finally,  he lowered her hand enough to smirk and ask in a low rumble, his eyes blazing with desire into her's.</p><p>     "May I have this dance Evie?"</p>
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<a name="section0030"><h2>30. A Dance Together</h2></a>
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    <p>     He was something out of one of the many fictional romance books she'd indulged herself in during her time in the circle.</p><p>     <em>No, he's even better, </em>she corrected herself. When he placed his hand against the small of her waist and warmly gripped her hand with his other, she thought she was in a fade dream and would surely wake any second.</p><p>     He'd hurt her that day in his office. She knew he was trying to do 'the right thing' but it had hurt nonetheless. But how could anyone stay angry with him when he looked and talked like he did this night? </p><p>     His gold honeyed eyes practically melted her on the spot. His formal uniform acting as a beautiful accent to an already beautiful man. As soon as his voice escaped his lips she knew she wouldn't be able to fight what she felt for him. </p><p>     She had stayed away for several weeks. Giving him space and herself time to reflect and settle in the keep. Time to figure out what she needed to do to heal, to move forward. The prospect of a future seemed bleaker without Cullen being apart of it. Even if he wanted to be friends, or pleasant acquaintances. His gold light would shine on her life no matter what role he played and that was enough to make her smile.</p><p>     "I'm not much of a dancer..." he murmured with a crooked, boyish grin as they waitied for the new song to begin.</p><p>     "You mean that wasn't part of your training with the Order? I'm shocked." She said dryly with a smirk. </p><p>     He chuckled, "I suppose that is an area they lack in. Perhaps when there is a new Divine, we can recommend it?"</p><p>     "I would say so. I don't need a complicated dance, just don't step on my feet. That's all I ask." She said with a soft smile playing on her lips.</p><p>     "I don't think I could do much more than that, but I promise to try my very best as long as we dance together." He replied. The music picked up and they began a simple four step waltz. Cullen felt himself begin to relax as they moved together. </p><p>     "I think every set of eyes is on you tonight. " He said quietly.</p><p>     "I beg to differ, there are far too many on you. This was supposed to be my night Commander,  but you just had to wear your formal attire didn't you?" She playfully shoved the shoulder her free hand rested on and he chuckled.</p><p>     "I certainly didn't want to my Lady." He said with a grin. "But you know Josephine is not to be argued with in these situations. And don't get me started on the tailor...."</p><p>     Evelyn let out a breathy laugh that made Cullen's heart skip a beat. He didn't hear her laugh often enough.</p><p>     "Oh I learned enough about Angelo after only 2 days to know not to argue. I almost threw a fireball at his tiny little ass." </p><p>     Cullen snickered and without realizing what he was doing, he pulled her in closer. His head now tilted down and he could smell the soft scent of her hair. </p><p>     He didn't think about his next words, they fell from his mouth before he could process what he was saying, but he certainly knew what he was feeling.</p><p>     "Maker I've missed you Evie." He murmured intimately against her ear.</p><p>     She shivered as she felt his warmth so near to her cheek. The day he had kissed her in his office flashing through her mind.</p><p>     "I've missed you too Cullen." She whispered back. </p><p>     They danced slowly together,  no longer a coordinated waltz, but a swaying, intimate embrace of one another. The onlookers whispered and gasped at the affectionate display and Varric by a fireplace, wrote feverishly in one of his journals.</p><p>     He'd missed her. A thousand questions flooded her mind along with the most glaring: He'd missed her in what way? Romantically? Their quiet companionship? Business relationship? But just as her mind would begin to worry her with questions that desired answering, she would quiet them and lose herself in the warmth of his close presence. </p><p>     The song ended too soon. They held each other for one beat after it had ended. </p><p>     Cullen wanted to drag her away from the prying eyes of the nobility. He wanted her all to himself. He wanted to drop to his knees and beg for forgiveness. He wanted to tell her how she consumed every thought of every moment of every day.</p><p>     But he froze and watched as she gave the customary curtsey and softly smiled as she thanked him. She waited for a moment, hoping he would say <em>something,  </em>but he wanted to say so much, he didn't know where to begin.</p><p>     Her expression fell and she nodded subtly, turned, and began to walk away.</p><p>     <em>No! Don't let her leave again! </em>His mind screamed.</p><p>     She felt firm hands on her waist and suddenly Cullen leaned down so that his lips ghosted near her ear.</p><p>     "Meet me in the rotunda in an hour." Then adding in a softer tone, "please?" </p><p>     She let out a shaky sigh of relief and excitement and nodded, then turned her head to give him a slight smile. He returned the smile and affectionately squeezed her left arm before dropping his hands and disappearing into the crowd.</p><p>     "Lady Trevelyan! Please, a dance!" An elder gentleman cried out and swept her back across the floor. </p><p>     Her night continued with dance after dance, pausing only for pleasantries with the guests and to drink the wine that Dorian continued to sneak to her. </p><p>     She would glance around the room, searching for Cullen. Sometimes she would catch him staring at her, and at times his jaw would be clenched so tight she swore he'd break it. Other times she'd only catch a glimpse of him between the swarms of fabric of the many women and men fawning over him. </p><p>     Then she realized she didn't see him at all. <em>He's waiting for me </em>She realized.</p><p>     She gave Dorian the signal and he nodded in understanding. "Ladies and Gentlemen! Allow me to show you the elegant and <em>salacious </em>Tevinter dance known as 'Almeagus'!"</p><p>     Most of the hall turned their eyes to the beautiful man who was now impressively gliding across the floor with magic induced fire slinking across his body. The diversion worked and she was able to sneak away unnoticed. </p><hr/><p>     Cullen waitied anxiously in the empty room normally kept occupied by Solas. But he was actually mingling in the main hall, much to well, <em>everyone's </em>surprise. </p><p>     What would he say to Evelyn? Where would he even begin? He had rehearsed several conversations in his head, or at least he had tried to. But then he'd see some handsy lord dancing with her across the hall and he had to steady himself to not blow up in a jealous rage. Nobility had no boundaries. They thought everything and everyone belonged to them if they fancied it. </p><p>     Or he would find himself surrounded by the same handsy nobility himself. </p><p>     Now that he was alone, insecurity set in. Would she actually come? </p><p>     He didn't have to wait long. The large door creaked open, the sound of the main hall spilling into the room. She entered softly and slowly closed the door behind her. </p><p>     They stood for several moments in silence, just taking each other in. Before either could speak, they heard voices approaching the door.</p><p>     "Did you see Lady Trevelyan? Did she come this way? I was just about to ask her to dance when that <em>Tevinter </em>man started lighting himself on fire-" </p><p>     She snickered into her hand as Cullen gave a curious arch of his brow. She put a finger over her mouth in a 'hush' motion and quickly made her way to where he stood. She grabbed his hand and tugged him towards the door that led to the balcony. They quickly made their way out of the room onto the dark landing, Cullen shutting the door behind him. </p><p>     The fresh night air hit them both and it was refreshing and freeing. </p><p>     She began laughing and again Cullen found himself breathless at the sound. Would it always make him feel this way? </p><p>     "Dorian set himself on fire?" He asked confused and altogether amused.</p><p>     She nodded, unable to form the word 'yes' as she continued laughing. </p><p>     Cullen shook his head and chuckled. Finally,  they both quieted and came to a still.</p><p>     Cullen found himself at a loss for words yet again. But he knew how he felt. Anyhow, he was a man of action, not words. He swiftly closed the distance between them and pressed his lips to hers. It began gentle, her breath hitching in her throat. Their lips slowly moving against one another's and both trying to convince themselves it was real. </p><p>     But she couldn't do this again. She couldn't lose herself in the moment if she thought he'd later push her away.</p><p>     She pulled herself from his mouth, but remained in his arms.</p><p>     "Is this what you really want?" She asked, her eyes sad and searching. "I couldn't bare you pushing me away again." </p><p>     Cullen shook his head and traced her cheek with his finger. </p><p>     "I am a such a fool. I've hurt us both. I have spent every moment thinking about when I'd see you again. I don't have much to offer you. But... I promise not to step on your feet when we're dancing, and I swear to try my best no matter what we do, as long as we dance together. " </p><p>     She smiled. A broad, free, smile and nodded.</p><p>     Then she kissed him. Desperate,  hungry, and all consuming. Cullen felt his discipline slipping as he dragged his lips from her mouth to her neck, nipping, sucking, and biting at her beautiful soft skin. She let out a soft sigh and whispered his name. <em>Cullen.</em></p><p>His control spiraled as he pushed himself against her, and she against the stone wall of Skyhold. <em>"Yes C</em><em>ullen!" </em>She eagerly encouraged his actions and he found no reason to stop. </p><p>     The sound of voices from below floated to the landing.</p><p>     "Oooo someone's getting frisky..." a woman's voice gleefully (and drunkenly) remarked.</p><p>     Cullen stopped, breathing heavy against Evelyn's throat. </p><p>     "My office?" He practically panted.</p><p>     "Maker <em>yes.</em>" She said against his hair. </p><p>     He smirked and when he pulled away, he noticed she shivered.</p><p>     He immediately began unbuttoning his overcoat and pulled it off his broad shoulders.</p><p>     "I thought we were going to your office?" She said in confusion. </p><p>     He swung the overcoat around her form and draped it across her shoulders.</p><p>     "Maker, you've a naughty mind my Lady." He said smugly as she settled into the warmth of the jacket. She playfully nudged him and then arched a brow as she began making her way across the bridge.</p><p>     "Cullen....  this jacket looks awfully <em>Orlesian..." </em></p><p>
  
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  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Next chapter..... long awaited SMUT!!!</p>
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